Only in my dreams
by Tara22
Summary: Willow is upset and hurting.... her friends don't know why.... she can't tell them..... hope comes in the shape of one special girl , eventually W/T (skipped out a few details, like Oz, but set mostly in season 2ish) my first fic..... be kind
1. Thoughts

Chapter 1  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BTVS characters, (wish I did!) that privilege belongs to Joss and ME.  
  
Willow sat there staring blankly at the computer screen, her eyes willing her mind to work, but to no avail. She faked a yawn and stood up, stretching. " I think I'm gonna pack it in guys" she said to the petite blond girl and the brown haired boy sitting across the room.  
  
"What? Willow is tired?" asked the boy in a mocking tone " don't you love us anymore, Will?" he asked grinning at her.  
  
"shut up Xander" the blonde said swatting him playfully with a grin.  
  
Willow forced a smile at her friends, " Buffy, Xander, I should go. I'm.. I'm just a little tired" she finished lamely.  
  
They nodded and she grabbed her bag and walked out of the room, the concerned eyes of her friends following her out.  
  
Willow walked slowly down the quiet streets, occasionally she would kick a stone, or pull a leaf of a tree. On the outside, Willow was a happy, beautiful, funny girl, who was very smart and loved her life. But she wasn't and she didn't. Everything was so messed up for her. Sure she had friends and people who cared about her and she was smart, but she had to wonder if there was something more. Her life was far from easy. She was a geek, had no fashion sense, which she was constantly reminded of by the girl friend of the only man she had ever loved, who was totally oblivious of the fact, and happened to be one of her best friends. She had moved on though, knowing that she could never have him, well, at least she had tried to move on, but every now and then she would catch herself watching Xander, she would come out of a daydream only to realize that she had been thinking about him, again. No, life was far from easy for her, with her other best friend Buffy, being the chosen one. Everyday was another monster and another chance to get hurt or even killed. She helped Buffy in the only way she knew how, always willing to research the latest featured creature, but the worry that came with it, the pain when someone got hurt, the fear every time there was a face off. Sometimes she wondered if it was worth it.  
  
Buffy watched Willow leave the room, she glanced over at Xander  
  
" I'm worried about her" she said " she's not been herself lately, I miss my happy quirpy Will."  
  
Xander nodded " I know" he said " there is definitely something going on here.. Want me to talk to her?" he continued, thinking about the girl he had known and loved since he was in preschool, she was his best friend in the whole world and it upset him to see her like that.  
  
Buffy shook her head " let me. I can try. and y'know reach her on a whole.. X chromosome sorta level.. It could be girl stuff" Buffy's mouth curled into a frown, thinking about it, Willow was usually such a happy girl, and she was her best friend. " I'll try and talk to her tomorrow" she said to Xander " I'll call you.".  
  
Xander watched her leave hoping Buffy was right, and it was just some girl thing. 


	2. Confrontations

Chapter 2  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BTVS characters, (wish I did!) that privilege belongs to Joss and ME.  
  
Willow felt the sand beneath her feet. It was hot, almost to the point of burning. She continued walking over the endless plains of sand. The desert appeared endless. She did not question why she was there, only where she was supposed to go. She paused looking left and then right, shielding her eyes from the burning sun, and then she saw them. Far off in the distance she saw Buffy and Xander. She wanted to run to them but she also had an immense feeling of sadness at the thought. She turned away and she saw an oasis. It was the most beautiful thing that she had ever seen. She began running, desperately needing to reach it, so scared that she wouldn't, but no matter how hard or fast she ran, it remained in the distance, she couldn't do it. Willow sank to her knees and began crying, all of the sudden she felt herself start to sink. She cried out, waking with a start, breathing hard. She sat up in bed, and the tears began to fall  
  
Buffy walked up the path to Willow's house a little nervously, she wasn't sure what could be wrong with her friend and it worried her. For the past weeks she'd noticed little changes in her. Firstly her ever-loving attitude to work had changed, the usually academic girl seemed to just not care anymore, when she did sit down to work she usually didn't end up having done much. She was always buried deep in thought, and when ever Buffy tried to strike up a conversation with her, she always had to repeat herself before the red head would take any notice that she was being spoken to. On more than one occasion Buffy had looked into her best friends eyes and seen nothing but sadness, the flame that used to be there completely diminished. Buffy paused at the door, shuffling her feet, suddenly having second thoughts about interfering. Buffy, shook her head, and with a new sense of determination knocked on the door.  
  
Willow was sitting on her bed when she heard the knock. She waited to see if her parents were home to answer the door, but seeing as the knocks became louder and more persistent she figured that they weren't. She walked down the stairs quickly, not bothering to check that she looked all right, knowing that her eyes were probably all red and puffy, she opened to the door only to find herself face to face with a rather determined looking Buffy.  
  
"Buffy." she started sounding surprised "what are you doing here? I mean. uh.. Not in a rudeish sorta way" she continued, looking very nervous.  
  
Buffy walked in and sat down on the couch, pulling Willow down to sit with her "Will" she said forcefully "we need to talk", she looked at the face of her best friend and she felt her heart wrench, it was obvious that Willow had been crying.  
  
Willow sat, and moved uncomfortably under her best friends gaze. "uh. why do we need to talk Buffy?" she asked, trying to make herself sound believable "is something wrong?"  
  
Buffy looked at Willow, "I was hoping you could tell me that" she said looking at Willow's look of denial on her face. "Will, these past few weeks, you.. you haven't been yourself. you act all upset. Will, whats going on?" she asked  
  
Willow looked at Buffy "n-nothing is wrong!" she said loudly, sounding a little attacked " nothing! I wish, you could see that Buffy.. You and Xander.. It's always 'ooo, little Willow is sad' or 'look Willow isn't being a complete idiot, maybe somethings wrong'! I am fine! Just darn fine!" she was yelling now "I don't have any problems! My life is perfect!" she said standing up from the couch, feeling too angry to sit down. " I am fine." she said softer this time, looking at her hands.  
  
Buffy sat there, shocked by Willow's outburst, she had never seen Willow so upset before. She looked at the red haired girl and stood up, "ok Will" she said "ok, but. I just want you to know that. if. should you ever need someone to talk too. I'm here for you, anytime, any day."  
  
Buffy looked at Willow, gave her a quick squeeze on the shoulder, then walked out of her house and down the path, her mind whirling with thoughts, about what Willow had said, and about what Willow hadn't said. Buffy didn't know what was wrong with Willow, but she was certain of one thing.. Willow was 'not' fine.  
  
Willow walked to the front door slowly, watching her friend turn the corner, in the distance. She closed the front door and sank to her feet, feeling the tears come, a fresh new wave of tears. She was breaking up inside, this pain and agony she was feeling, there really was no good explanation for it. Willow herself did not know what was wrong, but she knew that she was definitely not fine. 


	3. Responsibilities

Chapter 3  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BTVS characters, (wish I did!) that privilege belongs to Joss and ME.  
  
*- thanks for the review! It's nice to get some feedback : )  
  
Lunchtime at Sunnydale High had always been a joyful affair, the moods bubbling out of people, heard through the laughter and conversations taking place. The joy that the day was half over was conflicted with the thought that there was half of a day of school left to go.  
  
But the mood at the table where Willow and Buffy sat, was far from joyful. Willow sat there nibbling on the corner of her sandwich, not really tasting it. She kept her head down concentrating very hard on her brown lunch bag.  
  
Buffy kept throwing glances her way but remained silent, unsure what to say to her friend, afraid that she might set her off again.  
  
Buffy had been unable to reach Xander after her confrontation with Willow, she made a mental note to fill him in on what had happened, so that he wouldn't make the same mistake she had.  
  
Xander made his way over to the table, he had decided that he was going to try and find out what was going on with her. "Will, can I ask you something." he started, but shut up instantly at the sight of Buffy gesturing madly from behind Willow's shoulder.  
  
Willow looked up at Xander, thinking that she knew what he was going to say to her. " what?"  
  
Xander suddenly became very uncomfortable, he gave Buffy a glance and when she shook her head at him, he looked over at Willow "oh.um. are you gonna eat that?" he rushed, pointing at her sandwich "cause I sure am starving". He smacked his lips a few times for added effect, the sat down next to her with a huge lopsided grin on his face.  
  
Willow passed him the sandwich "eat it all" she said " I'm not very hungry". She then began to stand up, grabbing her garbage and rolling it into a ball. "I should get to class" she said not looking either of her friends in the eyes. " I promised someone that I would help them with, some... um.. math stuff..and to help them I kinda need to be near em and. actually in the same room.. So. yeah. I should go".  
  
Will began to walk away and found herself face to face with Principal Snyder.  
  
"ah, Miss Rosenberg" he said " just the girl I was looking for."  
  
Willow looked up at him, trying to look interested "what is it, sir?"  
  
"We have a new student to this school, she just transferred here from some school in Alabama, I was thinking that you might show her around, make her feel welcome to Sunnydale High, I can count on you can't I?"  
  
Willow sighed inwardly knowing that there was no possible way she could say no. "Oh, of course sir," she nodded "I'll take good care of her" she forced a smile.  
  
"Good, Good" he said smiling "I'm sure you will" Principal Snyder nodded at her "If you are finished with your lunch then you can follow me and I will introduce you"  
  
Willow glanced back at Buffy and Xander, then looked at the principal. "No, no, I'm all done" she said, beginning to follow him.  
  
They walked to his office.  
  
Principal Snyder stuck his head into the waiting room "this is Willow Rosenberg, she is going to show you around the school"  
  
The girl walked out into the hallway.  
  
"Willow, this is Tara Maclay" 


	4. Introductions

Chapter 4  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BTVS characters, (wish I did!) that privilege belongs to Joss and ME.  
  
Tara smiled shyly at Willow, hiding behind the hair that she always kept down particularly for that reason.  
  
Willow froze for a moment, looking at the girl; she was unlike anything Willow had ever seen before. She looked so shy and timid, but at the same time so beautiful. Willow smiled back at her with what was her attempt at a welcoming face.  
  
"Welcome to Sunnydale." she said somewhat nervously, as Principal Snyder walked away, leaving the two of them standing alone.  
  
Tara gave a half smile, not trusting herself to speak to the redhead.  
  
Willow continued the conversation, "uh. where do you want to. start? Cause I could take you on a grand tour and show you all that is Sunnydale high. um. if you want. it's really not that interesting. but if you want."  
  
Tara looked at Willow, "a t-tour? .that would be nice" she said nodding slightly, excited at the prospect of getting to spend time with Willow, "if.. you... h-have the time." she added smiling shyly.  
  
Willow nodded quickly "Sure!" she said and then realizing she sounded too eager added "I mean, I'm miss-always-got-time-girl., well sometimes.. But that's not to say that I wouldn't make time, cause I would.. Cause I wanna show you around and." Willow stopped mid-ramble and glanced at Tara, "I.uh..I'm kinda ramble-girl.. If you haven't noticed" she finished grinning sheepishly.  
  
Tara smiled "I like it" she said, and then quickly realizing what she had said, she looked down at her hands, unable to look at Willow, so sure that she would be looking at her in disgust.  
  
Willows face broke into a smile, the first real smile she had had for weeks, there was just something about Tara that made her smile.  
  
Tara looked up slowly and her heart caught in her throat at the sight of Willow. Her smile. It was amazing. And what was more amazing was that it was aimed at her.  
  
Willow reached out and grabbed her hand, "come on Miss Maclay. I better get playing little-miss-tour-guide or you will miss out on very important parts of this wonderful establishment, and." she leaned into Tara " Old Snyder will be after my skin and that is one thing, that as a new student you need to know, Snyder.skin. or even being in the same room as him. kinda dreaded things."  
  
Tara's skin tingled all over. It was funny how, the moment Willow's skin made contact with hers all her senses seemed to have been magnified. She couldn't hear anything but the pounding of her heart and the only thing she could feel was Willow's hand in hers and her warm breath down her neck. Tara was broken out of her thoughts by a grinning Willow, unsure what she had said Tara just smiled and nodded her head.  
  
Willow grinned again, heading down the hallway, Tara in tow. Maybe her day wouldn't be so bad after all, she thought. 


	5. Little Miss Tour Guide

Chapter 5  
  
Kookycookie - thanks for the review! I know what you mean about the not a lot of people writing W/T stuff.. it's a real shame! Thanks again! : )  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BTVS characters, (wish I did!) that privilege belongs to Joss and ME.  
  
"Oh, and this is the bathroom" Willow said in her best serious voice "now you remember that! It is a vital part of any girls education!"  
  
Tara laughed "Ok" she said taking out a notepad from her bag and pretending to write that down "bathroom..important.." she looked up at Willow, a huge grin spread across her face, "anything else I should know? Maybe the front office is a hot hang out or that I should know my way around the janitor's closet if I want to attend this school?"  
  
Willow looked thoughtful for a moment, then looked up at Tara "well, you don't have to know ALL the way around the janitor's closet, just enough to get you in there", she said breaking into a grin, " see! You are learning so fast Tara! It's like you have been here your entire life!" she said mock- proudly, smiling.  
  
The two girls continued their way down the hallway, Tara had seen pretty much, most of the school, but so far she had been introduced to very few people, and for that she was almost grateful. Tara had never been much for meeting new people, her shyness made it very awkward.  
  
Willow had been showing Tara around for nearly an hour, but it felt like they had just started. The way the two of them got along, she felt like she had known her forever.  
  
"and this is our lovely library" she said with a grin, walking in and picking up a book off the shelf. "excuse the dust" she said wiping it off with her fingers, holding a dust-covered finger up for Tara to see. "I'm kinda one of the only people who come in here..y'know..me being miss-geeky- I-love-school girl.. meet my home away from home"  
  
Tara laughed, looking around the big library, trying to take it all in. She was having the most amazing time. Not only was she actually liking this new school, but she had made a new friend.. Willow.. Tara smiled at the thought of her, there was just something there.. this chemistry between them.. and when she had touched her.. Tara craved for her to touch her again. Any touch at all, she just needed the contact.  
  
Giles heard the voices and peaked his head around the shelves. "Willow is that you?" he called, he had been meaning to talk to her for a long while now, but she hadn't been into the library very often during the past few weeks. From what he had heard from Buffy, Willow needed help.  
  
When he saw her, he froze. She didn't look sad at all, she even appeared to be glowing.  
  
Willow looked at Giles "Hey!" she said "uh..I'm just showing Tara around the school"  
  
Giles looked confused for a moment, then saw the blonde standing in the corner. "you must be Tara" he said smiling reaching out to shake her hand.  
  
Tara stepped forward and hesitantly put her hand in Giles's hand, "yes" she said quietly.  
  
Willow smiled at her encouragingly, if there was one thing that she had learned about Tara in the short time that she had known her, was her shyness, with Willow she would laugh and joke but as soon as someone new came into the picture she was all tightlipped and shy.  
  
"Tara just transferred here from Alabama" she said, then realizing that Tara had no idea who Giles was added "and this is Mr. Giles, the school librarian."  
  
Tara smiled nervously at him and then looked down at her feet.  
  
Giles took that moment to study the blonde in front of him, there was something interesting about her and he wasn't quite sure what it was, but being Buffy's watcher and, as he was so frequently called 'Mr. Knowledge man', he could just sense it.  
  
Giles glanced at Willow and he saw her smiling radiantly at Tara, who had now turned to look at Willow. "Alabama, you say?" he asked, making conversation, feeling quite the odd one out.  
  
Tara broke her gaze away from Willow's, somewhat reluctantly and turned back to the librarian, "Y-yes, Mr. Giles..", she said, mentally slapping herself for stuttering.  
  
Giles nodded and smiled, "I hope you like it here" he said taking his glasses off and polishing them.  
  
Willow had been watching Tara closely, everything about her intrigued her, her face, the way she wrings her hands when she's nervous, her smile, Willow loved her smile, sometimes she would get this small half-smile on her face and Willow would feel like smiling too, and sometimes, maybe once or twice, Tara had given her a full smile, and it had just taken her breath away. Suddenly Willow remembered that Giles had been looking for her.  
  
"did you want something Giles?" she asked him, wondering what he could possibly want.  
  
Giles shook his head, knowing full well that this was neither the time nor the place to discuss Willow's well being. "No.. no" he said to her " just wanted to see if it was you.." he trailed off "Oh!" he exclaimed looking down at his watch "it was lovely meeting you Tara, but I really must be off, I am far too behind on my work schedule!". He nodded to her and then to Willow and walked back to the shelves, in the direction he had come from.  
  
Tara and Willow stood there awkwardly for a moment, throwing small glances at each other. Neither spoke until finally, Willow began to giggle.  
  
Tara looked at her confused for a moment, but then felt overwhelmed by a case of the giggles too.  
  
Soon both girls were laughing hard.  
  
Willow tried to collect herself, "um.. so. .yeah" she said beginning to laugh again.  
  
When both girls had composed themselves enough to speak, Willow offered to show Tara around the outside of the school, which Tara eagerly agreed to.  
  
The two girls walked along the grass outside of the school, the sun was shining and it was a beautiful day. Neither girl said much, just enjoying the sun, and each others company, occasionally, Willow would point something out and Tara would reply, and occasionally Tara would ask a question and Willow would reply. Before they knew it the school day was over.  
  
Willow glanced at Tara as screaming, yelling, fighting school students came running out of the building.  
  
Tara gave her a small smile, "I should go.." she said softly.  
  
Willow looked shocked "Oh! But I haven't introduced you to hardly anyone yet..".  
  
Tara nodded "maybe tomorrow.." she said hopefully.  
  
Willow jumped at the chance "tomorrow!? Definitely!" , then realizing how eager she sounded added "uh..so..I'll see you tomorrow then?.."  
  
Tara smiled "tomorrow" she said softly.  
  
Willow began to walk away.  
  
"Willow!" Tara called out almost desperately.  
  
Willow turned around to face Tara, a concerned look on her face.  
  
"Thank you" Tara said with a smile.  
  
Willow grinned widely and walked back into the school to get her bag and go home. 


	6. Classes

Chapter 6  
  
Felisha- Thanks so much! Glad you like the story!!  
  
Charmed-Dragon-Thanks!! It's so nice to actually get reviews! Feedback is always good :)  
  
Angel451- Thanks! I love Willow/Tara too! (can you tell?) I think it is SO sad what happened to Tara, and we gotta keep her alive in our writing.  
  
* - Thanks!! I try to keep em in character as much as possible! Glad you like!  
  
Thanks all of you, for the reviews!!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BTVS characters, (wish I did!) that privilege belongs to Joss and ME.  
  
Willow sat on her bed crossed-legged. "Tara." she said softly, liking the way that name sounded on her tongue. Willow couldn't stop thinking about her. She re-traced every step they had taken, every word the two had exchanged, in her head, over and over again. Willow smiled remembering the way Tara's skin had felt against her own. It had been close to impossible for Willow not to gasp, it was like an electric current had passed through her. She had, had such a great time showing Tara around the school, and tomorrow.. Willow's heart jumped in her throat, 'I get to see her again tomorrow' she said softly, and then her smile began to fade. As excited as she was about seeing Tara again, Willow couldn't help but feel a little sad. Right now, in her thoughts and mind, Tara was like a sanctuary, something that was totally hers, but when the school bell rings at the end of the day tomorrow, she thought, I will be just one of Tara's many new acquaintances. The thought scared her more than anything else. Why would someone as wonderful and sweet as Tara want to hang out with me? What do I have that could possibly attract Tara to me? Willow stood up distressed, and began pacing the room. 'It's just so like me to blow things!' she said angrily to herself, 'I can't do anything right, I don't deserve anything good' she muttered 'why am I so selfish?'. Willow flung herself onto the bed angrily and curled herself up into a little ball, trying to block out all of her worries and her problems, a single tear slid slowly down her cheek as she drifted off into a dream-filled sleep.  
  
Tara stood in front of the mirror in her new room. "Hi, I'm Tara" she said to the mirror, "pleased to meet you". Tara sighed and shook her head. She knew that no matter how much she practiced she would still come across as a total idiot tomorrow, if her few introductions today had been any indication. Tara was slowly becoming terrified, there were so many new people, what if she couldn't remember their names, or remember their faces? And what if she couldn't speak to them at all? What if they didn't like her? Tara sat down on the edge of her bed and put her head in her hands. The moment her head touched hands she thought of Willow. Tara sat up and looked at her hand. She examined it closely for any changes. She couldn't understand how it was possible that her hand could appear exactly the same, when Willow had so clearly changed it. She could feel it in her skin, something new, something that wasn't there before. Tara lay down on her bed, exhausted from the day, and brought her hand up to her cheek. She sighed happily, thinking of Willow, all fears for the next day completely gone. A small smile formed on her face and she fell asleep.  
  
When the bell rang signaling the start of the day at Sunnydale High, teenagers of all ages sped up their paces, trying to get to class before the second and final bell rung, signing their fates as latecomers. Unlike everyone else around her, Willow was dragging her feet, looking around the schoolyard, trying to catch a glimpse of Tara. She had, had that same dream again the night before, and she felt totally exhausted, she was so tired of feeling this way, so tired of crying.  
  
Buffy and Xander ran up the path to school.  
  
"Come on Xander!" Buffy called back to him.  
  
"I'm..doing..my..best.." he said panting, "god, I need to work out"  
  
Buffy grinned, "you sure do!" she said to him  
  
"Hey!" he exclaimed  
  
"What?" she shrugged "you said it.." she smiled innocently  
  
"yeah! But you weren't supposed to agree with me!" he said catching up with Buffy who had stopped "What'ya doing?" he asked panting, following the direction she was looking in, with his eyes.  
  
"There's Willow" she said quietly " she looks so sad.."  
  
Xander nodded as the two of them ran to catch up with her.  
  
"Hey there Will!" Xander said putting his arm around her shoulders.  
  
Willow looked over at them "Oh, hey, guys" she said, almost wishing they would leave so she could find Tara.  
  
"Why walking so slow today?" Buffy asked her, as the second bell rang.  
  
Xander gasped and brought his hand to cover his mouth "OH!" he cried "Willow.. you..you're late!" he shrieked  
  
Buffy shot Xander a look that read 'now-is-not-the-time-for-that' and looked at Willow "oh just ignore him, he's still kinda reeling from the discovery that his fitness levels put a woman to shame"  
  
Willow looked at Xander and had to laugh at the look on his face.  
  
Buffy smiled, the laugh had been small but it was an improvement "So?" she pressed on.  
  
Willow just shook her head "Oh, um.. I was just.. just thinking" she finished quickly.  
  
Buffy nodded, excepting this answer, not wanting to press any more than she already had.  
  
The three friends ran into the school, and into their respective classrooms.  
  
Willow sat at her desk, not hearing a word the teacher was saying, 'Why didn't I just tell them?' she wondered 'and where is she?'. Willow began to panic. 'what if she decided she doesn't like me, or the school, .. and she hopped on the first plane back to Alabama!?'. 'What if..', She was broken out of her thoughts by a knock on the classroom door.  
  
Tara walked into the classroom, so far she had, had no luck in finding Willow. She hadn't really had the opportunity to look anyway. The moment she reached school, she had been bombarded by question after question from Principal Snyder. The only thing that got her through it all was the thought of getting to see Willow again, soon. Tara shuffled her feet slowly, eyes downcast, as she entered the room. She handed the note that Principal Snyder had given her, to the teacher, who read through it and cleared her throat.  
  
Willow looked up and there she was. She felt her heart beat so quickly in her chest that it felt like she might explode.  
  
"Class" she said " we have a new student. This is Tara Maclay. I'm sure you will feel right at home in no time!" she said turning to smile at Tara.  
  
Tara looked up slowly, surveying the class, they all looked pretty disinterested. Tara felt her heart drop, but then her eyes locked onto the beautiful eyes she had been looking for.  
  
Tara smiled and Willow smiled, neither of them able to bring themselves to look away.  
  
"If you'll have a seat over there Tara, we can continue with our lesson" the teacher said.  
  
Tara nodded slightly, sitting down in the designated spot. She kept throwing glances at Willow, almost as if she was afraid that if she looked away for more than a moment, then she would be gone.  
  
When the bell rang, Willow began to make her way over to her. A small crowd of people had gathered around Tara, making idle welcoming chitchat. Willow stood a fair distance away from the group, feeling like she was going to cry. She sank down into a chair at the back of the classroom.  
  
Tara was completely overwhelmed. Lots of people were looking at her. Lots of people were talking to her. Lots of people... but not the one person she wanted.  
  
When the people finally left, Tara glanced around the classroom, hoping to find Willow, at first she couldn't find her, and she felt overwrought.  
  
"Hey stranger" Willow said smiling at the blonde, standing up from the chair she had been sitting on "looking for someone?"  
  
Tara's face broke into a huge smile, "Willow" she said happily  
  
Willow walked over to her, "for a moment there I was worried, I thought you had taken over my job as personal-tour-guide-lady", she grinned.  
  
Tara shook her head a little too quickly, "no!" she said, and then realizing that Willow was just teasing added, "I mean. I need someone to show me around, do the introductions, y'know, ladies should not do these things for themselves. It's just not done!"  
  
Willow smiled and then reached out her hand, "Come on, my lady, it would be my pleasure to be your slave-like-servant for the day"  
  
Tara laughed and took her hand. She did a small curtsy and the two of them walked out of the classroom, Tara glancing at Willow with a small smile playing on her face.  
  
"my servant? Did you say?" she asked, raising an eyebrow, a mischievous glint in her eyes.  
  
Willow nodded, "but of course" she said grinning, seeing the look on Tara's face. 'Oh my god!' she thought, 'Tara has a naughty side...and...and...I really like it!'  
  
Willow realized that Tara was looking at her with a questioning look on her face, and for a moment she thought that Tara had read her mind.  
  
"What do you want to do now?" Tara asked "I mean according to this.um.thing" she said turning the little piece of paper that somewhat resembled a timetable, over in her hands, "I have a free next, how about you?"  
  
Willow grinned, "that would be the school's attempt at a timetable, I always just, write out my own, you know, different colors for different days of the week and different subjects, oh, and these little different shaped stickers to tell me what I need to bring to class"  
  
Tara laughed  
  
"What?" Willow asked with a mock-hurt tone "don't you like the idea? It's very useful, I always know where I gotta be, when I gotta be there, and what books I need"  
  
Tara laughed some more "no! not that I don't like it! I think it's cute. It's kinda quirky."  
  
Willow shoved her playfully, grinning, "so you think I'm quirky then?", Willow couldn't believe it, she was making any excuse possible to touch Tara, it was like an addiction she just couldn't break, and to be quite frank wasn't sure that she even wanted to.  
  
Tara grinned widely; she loved spending time with Willow. It made her happy and it even made her feel good about herself, which nobody else had ever been able to do before.  
  
"Nothing"  
  
Tara looked up, confused, "huh?"  
  
"You asked me what I have now. nothing" Willow smiled "If you want I can introduce you to a few people"  
  
Tara nodded, "um. ok. sure", she wasn't too happy about having to meet new people, but Willow was there with her so she knew she would be fine.  
  
The two girl headed down the hallway to their lockers, walking close, casually bumping up against each other, neither paying any attention to their surroundings, hearts, minds, bodies, and souls focused solely on each other. 


	7. Meeting

Chapter 7  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BTVS characters, (wish I did!) that privilege belongs to Joss and ME.  
  
Angel451- Thank you so much! I am really glad you like it!!!  
  
Slayerfan1 - Thanks!!! Glad you like my fic, hope you like the new chapter!  
  
Kookycookie- Thanks so much, It's wonderful to know that you like it so much! Thanks for the feedback!  
  
Ryu Sakana- Thanks!!! Really glad you liked the story! Hope you like the next chapter!  
  
  
  
Buffy walked into the library and sat down on a chair, looking across the room at a deeply intrigued, reading, Giles. She waited for him to notice her and when he didn't, decided to make her presence known.  
  
"Some book, huh?"  
  
Giles jumped, "Buffy!" he exclaimed "I didn't see you there..."  
  
Buffy laughed, "yeah, well, not really a wonder, you and that book, woah, I'm talking some serious fun! And you know... that worries me"  
  
Giles shook his head, changing the topic "so what are your plans for this evening?"  
  
Buffy looked up, "oh, you know, work, school homework, slaying evil vampires, just.. normal stuff... what else would I do on a Friday night? maybe I'll see if Xander and Willow want to get together, you know, little study session, my study buddies! Willow's into that sort of thing, I figured it might cheer her up if.."  
  
Giles looked up from his already sparkling glasses, which he had been cleaning while Buffy talked, and interrupted her.  
  
"Willow?"  
  
Buffy stopped, "yeah, what about her?"  
  
"I saw her yesterday Buffy"  
  
Buffy looked at him, "did you talk to her? Do you see what I mean? Isn't it just the saddest thing? And she won't even tell me what's wrong!" Buffy rushed.  
  
Giles looked perplexed, " actually Buffy, the reason I brought it up was because, no, no, I saw no sign whatsoever of what you are talking about, if anything Willow appeared to be the happiest I have ever seen her, which, as you can imagine, left me rather baffled"  
  
Buffy looked confused, "ok, break out the books, something totally weird is going on here! I mean, are you sure that you saw Willow, our Willow, small, redhair, about yay high, you know the one.. Was it really her, Giles, cause you know, it's easy to make mistakes these days..."  
  
Giles shook his head, "It was most definitely Willow, Buffy, no mistakes about that"  
  
Buffy stood up, "but Giles, that's just SO wrong on SO many levels! Even this morning she was all, down with the gloomys. Why would she have gone from depressed girl, to happy girl, back to depressed girl? Not making sense Giles." Giles nodded, "I'm only telling you what I saw, and all I saw was a happy girl, who was having a good time showing her new friend around the school"  
  
Buffy started to argue, "but Giles.. Huh?! New friend? Showing her around the school? Ok! Now I know I've entered the twighlight zone! You'd think that if Willow had a new friend then I would know about her, right? I mean, kinda hard to keep these things hidden.."  
  
Giles shrugged, "Her name is Tara, a very nice looking girl" he told her, then added as an afterthought, " shy, slightly mysterious looking, but nice, I don't know anything else Buffy, why don't you go find her and see for yourself?"  
  
Buffy nodded, "Ok, fine, I will then, I'll just leave you to your, uh, book. ..bye Giles" she said waving at him as she headed for the door.  
  
"Goodbye Buffy" he called after her, watching her leave the library and then seeing her head peak around the door, back into the library.  
  
"don't you and mister book there, get up to any mischief Giles", she said in a mock stern voice, "don't do anything I wouldn't do! No wait! Actually, don't do anything I would do!", she grinned and left the library once again, this time Willow-bound.  
  
Giles shook his head in wonderment and picked up his book and began reading again.  
  
***  
  
Willow and Tara were sitting together on the grass outside Sunnydale High, basking in the sunlight while they ate their lunches.  
  
"no! no! listen to the end though! So the lion says to the centipede, 'Where were you during the first half?' and the centipede answers 'I was putting on my shoes'!"  
  
Willow was bent over laughing, "ha! Centipede, lots of shoes!" she said laughing more.  
  
Tara grinned at the redhead, "yes, lots and lots of shoes.."  
  
Willow grinned, "Ok! My turn.."  
  
Tara watched Willow, listening as she told her joke, listening, but not really concentrating, she kept thinking about today and how great it had been, Willow had introduced her to a number of students, whom in front of, she miraculously had not embarrassed herself. It was kind of getting easier, the 'Hi, I'm Tara' thing, and Willow hadn't left her side, even for a second. Tara grinned, remembering Willow's promise of slavery, and then she began to think about what she would like to do with Willow as her slave. Tara shook herself, 'ok, no more naughty thoughts about Willow! Get a grip girl!! You've known her for what? A day? And already you have planned out at least three different scenarios, that all end the same way, a confession of undying love, and some seriously raunchy stuff...'.  
  
"get it?" Willow asked with a grin.  
  
Tara laughed, "yeah! Gosh that was funny!" she said, hoping she sounded convincing enough, because in actual fact she could not remember a word Willow had said, it appeared to have worked though, because Willow grinned again and took a bite of her sandwich.  
  
Tara smiled at Willow and began to eat her lunch.  
  
Willow watched her eat, not directly of course, but from the corner of her eye, so that Tara couldn't see. She was fascinated by every little thing Tara did, every little thing about her, even the way she chewed her food, running her tongue slowly over her bottom lip, checking that she hadn't dropped any stray crumbs. Willow found herself, more than anything, wanting to be that crumb, and that feeling scared her, 'what is going on with me!?' she thought, and then the realization hit her, like it always does, making the person wonder why the hell they hadn't seen it earlier, 'I like Tara! I mean I REALLY like Tara! In an 'oh-my-god-I-think-I'm-in-love-with-Tara sort of way!'. Willow turned to look at her, face-to-face, almost expecting Tara to back away in disgust, expecting Tara to have seen it on her face, felt it in the air. But Tara didn't react to it, all she did was smile at Willow, making the redheads lips curl into a smile, like it always did.  
  
***  
  
Buffy had checked all the usual Willow hang outs and was now in the process of heading outside to see if, perhaps, she was there. She walked down the hallway and turned to walk through the main doors, when someone came running up behind her.  
  
"Buffy! Wait up" Xander called "I'm coming"  
  
Buffy turned around to face Xander, "long time no see", she said grinning.  
  
Xander nodded, "what can I say, the irresistible pull of Buffy Summer's unfinished lunch is always too strong, I have to succumb!"  
  
Buffy laughed  
  
Xander studied his friend closely, "where are you going with that resolve face, and more importantly", Xander gasped, "where is your lunch!?"  
  
Buffy looked quickly at Xander, having been reminded of what she had been trying to do. The two of them walked out into the front of the school.  
  
"Xander" she started "have you seen Willow?" when he shook his head no, she continued, "well, have you, y'know, seen her with someone, y'know, that you maybe didn't know?"  
  
Xander looked confused, "someone I didn't know, um, not...so...much.. Should I have?"  
  
Buffy shook her head, "Giles just told me that when he saw Willow in the library yesterday, she looked really happy, and to me, something about that just doesn't add up... and he also said that she was showing a new girl around. Xander, what new girl!? We haven't seen or heard anything about any new girl!"  
  
Buffy turned to look at Xander and saw him staring at something, or someone, "that new girl..."  
  
Buffy followed his gaze and her eyes nearly popped out of her head. True to Gile's word, Willow was indeed with a new girl and she was smiling from ear- to-ear.  
  
Buffy looked at Xander and Xander looked at Buffy, not sure what to say to each other. Xander shrugged and Buffy shrugged, then the both of them began to walk in Willow's direction.  
  
"Hey Will!", Xander called out  
  
Willow heard him and froze, 'no!' she thought 'I'm not ready for this! I'm not ready to share her!'. She turned around slowly, knowing who she was going to see behind her.  
  
"Hey Will" Buffy said smiling  
  
Willow gave a small smile, "oh hey guys..." she said almost hesitantly.  
  
Tara noticed her almost immediate change of demeanor and watched her confused, waiting for her to introduce these newcomers.  
  
Buffy and Xander threw themselves onto the grass next to the girls and nobody said a word, after what felt like forever, Willow looked up from the tiny blade of grass she'd been studying and looked at Tara. Seeing the confusion on her face, she quickly introduced them  
  
"Tara" she said "This is Buffy and that's Xander"  
  
Tara nodded slowly, sensing the reluctance in Willow's voice, her entire, 'Hi, I'm Tara' plan going out the window.  
  
"Buffy, Xander, this is Tara..."  
  
Buffy smiled and Xander reached and shook her hand.  
  
Buffy looked at Tara, "so you got Willow as a tour guide, huh? Showed you the computer room or the library yet?" she asked grinning " alas, in that simple question, lies the advantages and disadvantages of having a computer nerd for a best friend" Buffy smiled affectionately at Willow.  
  
Xander nodded, "it's why we love her!"  
  
Tara just nodded again, not trusting herself to speak.  
  
Xander looked at Buffy, "you said you'd help me with that English homework, Buff"  
  
Buffy nodded, "yeah, but Willow would be oh so much more suited for the job!"  
  
Xander nodded solemnly, "true in everyway but Willow is busy and you aren't, Willow didn't promise and you did, so lets go Buff", he finished, grinning.  
  
Buffy sighed and stood up, "it was great to meet you Tara" she said  
  
"yeah, a real pleasure!" Xander added  
  
"see ya later Will" they chorused  
  
Buffy and Xander walked away.  
  
Willow and Tara remained seated on the grass, an awkward silence between them.  
  
"that... they... they were Buffy and Xander... just Buffy and Xander" Willow said, in an attempt to fill the silence.  
  
Tara nodded, filling in the gaps that Willow had left in her head, 'they were Buffy and Xander' she thought, 'they were her best friends, the ones she didn't want to introduce me too... The ones she was probably too embarrassed to introduce me to'  
  
Willow looked closely at Tara. "Tara.." she started  
  
Tara looked up at her.  
  
"I was wondering, today being a Friday and all, would.. do.. do you wanna do something together over the weekend cause I would love to, I mean if you don't have the time I would totally understand because sometimes I don't have times for things even though I really want to do them and somet.."  
  
Tara smiled, "Oh yes.." she said, interrupting Willow's ramble, "do you.. would you like to maybe, come to my house and s-sleepover tomorrow night?" Tara asked, almost unable to believe her daring, so thankful that all she had had was one tiny little stutter. She looked at Willow, awaiting her answer, what was actually moments felt like hours, before the redhead's lips curled into a smile.  
  
"I would love too!" Willow responded eagerly as the bell rang signaling the end of lunch.  
  
The two girls stood up quickly, brushing themselves off.  
  
"Come on Tara, I can walk you to your next class, you know, just so that you don't get lost or anything..."  
  
Tara smiled, knowing darn well that she knew her way around the hallways now, but not even considering telling her that.  
  
Willow reached over, her hand reaching for Tara's face.  
  
Tara's breath caught in her throat, 'she's gonna kiss me!' she thought, all rational thought leaving her head.  
  
When Willow's hand reached right past her face, she felt confused, until Willow pulled away, a piece of straw in her hands, "you... uh... piece of straw... stuck in your hair"  
  
Tara smiled "Oh...uh...thanks for getting it out then" she said.  
  
Willow smiled, "anytime"  
  
The two girl walked into the school, heading for their lockers.  
  
Tara looked at Willow, excited, scared, nervous, and most of all happy. One thought running through her head over and over again, 'Willow Rosenberg is coming to my house tomorrow night, My. House.' 


	8. Sleepover

Chapter 8  
  
  
  
Penguin'sPawn:new name? Cool! Glad you liked the story!! Hope you like this next bit!!  
  
Ryu Sakana: I'm glad you like the story!! Hope you like the sleepover!!! : D  
  
Kookycookie: ooh! Thanks for adding me to your list!! About the Willow Tara kissage, not saying a word. *whistles innocently* hope you like the next chapter!!  
  
Slayerfan1: glad you like!! Hope you like the next part!!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BTVS characters, (wish I did!) that privilege belongs to Joss and ME.  
  
Willow sat on her bed, watching the clock, growing more and more anxious with every tick. 'I can't be early!' she thought 'I will look too eager, and that's not good! But if I go late, It'll look like I don't really want to be there and that's not good either!'. Time seemed to be crawling. Just as Willow decided that she couldn't wait any longer, the phone rang. 'Oh no! she's calling to cancel!' Willow grabbed the phone quickly, and pulled it to her ear, waiting, expecting, to hear Tara's voice on the line.  
  
"Willow?"  
  
Willow let out a huge breath. "Buffy?"  
  
"Yeah Will, it's me"  
  
"Oh, uh, what's up?", Willow wanted nothing more than to end the conversation there but she knew that there was no way she could get away with that.  
  
"Not much, not much, you know, just hanging around, the place is kinda vampless at the moment"  
  
"Oh, right, well, what did you call for?" Willow decided to take it right to the point.  
  
Buffy paused for a moment, "Oh, right, yeah, well seeing as how my slayer skills are not needed at the moment I figured we could hang, just you, me, and Xander, we could take in a movie, pizza, fun stuff, totally work-free, you know kinda a girls night in, well with the exception of Xander of course" she said, paused, then added cheekily "although that is debatable..."  
  
Willow didn't say anything, her mind was whirling with how she could say no to her friend.  
  
"so... you in?"  
  
Willow grimaced, "actually Buffy... I can't"  
  
"can't?" Buffy asked sounding confused.  
  
"no, I mean, yeah, I can't"  
  
"Why not? Are you ok?", Buffy sounded concerned  
  
"I'm fine, but I'm kinda sorta busy, y'know, the already-doing-something- going-somewhere-tonight variety"  
  
There was a silence on the line for a few moments.  
  
"Oh... ok then... well... what are you doing? I mean where are ya going?"  
  
"Oh...uh...just out...y'know...um...seeing someone...hanging around" Willow found herself not wanting to tell Buffy about Tara, it felt surreal as it was, that she was actually going to stay at Tara's house, but talking about it, telling Buffy about it, it felt almost like testing the fates.  
  
"Ok, well, I should go then, Bye Will"  
  
"Bye"  
  
Willow placed the phone on the hook and walked out of her house and down the street, all thoughts of her conversation with Buffy pushed from her mind.  
  
Buffy hung up the phone, and then looked at it puzzled. She had heard Willow's reluctance to talk to her, loud and clear. "I don't get her..." she said to herself, "I just don't get her"  
  
***  
  
Tara paced the length of her room, glancing nervously at the clock. 'she's a minute late! Oh God! I knew it! I knew she wasn't coming!'. The past two days had been like a dream for Tara. Meeting Willow. Getting to know Willow, and, as much as she tried to deny it, Falling totally head-over- heals in love with Willow. Ever since Willow had accepted her invitation Tara could think of nothing else. 'I can't believe she even said yes!' she thought, 'What if she doesn't like my house? Or my room? What if she decides that she really doesn't want to know me and that she made a mistake coming here?'  
  
Willow could see the house ahead. 'It's so ordinary...' she thought, 'how can someone so special and wonderful be living in a house so much like my own?'. She walked slowly up the road, dragging her feet, in an attempt to buy more time. 'What if I make a fool of myself!? What if we don't have anything to say to each other or if she finds me boring?', the doubts continued to fly into Willow's head, one after the other. She had spent the previous night planning it all out, every clever joke she would tell, every little action she would do, but as she approached the front door of Tara's new house her mind went blank, all thoughts and feelings gone, except nervousness, fear, and excitement. Willow knocked softly on the door.  
  
Tara ran as fast as she could down the stairs, she wanted to be the one to open the door and let Willow in. She swung herself around the banister and breathlessly she opened the front door. Willow smiled shyly at Tara, 'she's all out of breath, damn she's so beautiful' she thought.  
  
Tara smiled and stood back from the door, making room for Willow to enter. "Glad you made it"  
  
Willow grinned, "me too, thanks so much for inviting me, it was ok with your mom and dad?"  
  
Tara winced slightly and nodded, leading Willow up the stairs to her room so that she could put her stuff down.  
  
Willow noticed Tara's reaction and could have kicked herself, 'I'm such a big mouth!, mental note to self, do not talk about Tara's parents'.  
  
The two girls entered Tara's room, and Willow looked around appreciatively, "wow, you're great with the decorating, and you haven't even been in Sunnydale more than a week, you should see my room, actually you shouldn't, well probably best not to, health reasons, it's really not very nice, the words 'yuck' and 'eeew' usually come to mind, and to top it all off, I'd have to say 'eyesore'"  
  
Tara laughed  
  
Willow grinned at her, "no... you'll have to see it, you're brave right? Cause I need you to give me some pointers, tell me where I went wrong, or, no, actually cause I don't think there was ever a time where I went right, maybe just, well, anything has got to be better than what I have."  
  
Tara shook her head at the redheads rambling, she laughed, "oh come now. surly you jest" she grinned "your room can't be that bad, I mean, this coming from a girl who probably color co-ordinates her sock drawer"  
  
Willow laughed and then grumbled, "who've you been talking too?"  
  
Tara laughed and grinned, "I'm sure your room is great! Besides wouldn't Buffy have already helped you out in that department, if you did indeed have problems, she just strikes me as that sort of girl"  
  
The smile that had been on Willow's face faded slowly at the mention of Buffy.  
  
Tara noticed her reaction, and winced slightly, upset that Willow was upset, angry with herself for bringing up an obviously sensitive subject, but she couldn't rid her mind of the question, 'Why doesn't Willow want me to know, talk to, and, or, about, Buffy.  
  
Willow nodded slowly, "yeah" she smiled "she tries to help me out, but sadly I am a lost cause...", Willow paused looking at Tara, "no fashion sense at all and apparently" she said leaning in as if to tell Tara a secret, " apparently... I am also quirky" Tara laughed and shook her head.  
  
Willow grinned.  
  
"How are your culinary skills?" Tara asked Willow  
  
Willow shook her head, "I'm thinking it's best if I don't even try and describe them to you, cause I can see some serious scarring effects from the stories I could tell, let's just say, a world of no, and leave it at that, although I have heard that I make a mean piece of toast!"  
  
"Oh, thanks for sparing me" Tara said laughing, "You can just help me then, maybe break the eggs or hold the bowl" she said grinning, and then realizing by the blank look on Willow's face that she hadn't even explained what she wanted to do, "Oh... uh...I mean... if you want to, that is, cause it's my dads birthday tomorrow and I need to make a cake, I just thought that maybe we could make it together but if you don't..."  
  
"No... no! that's so cool! I mean, as long as I don't actually make the cake myself then I would love to! I used to want to be a chef, well, that was when I was four, I used to make mud cakes, mud pies, oh and my finest delicacy, mud soufflé. I was so proud of that food, I used to feed them to my parents, of course I had no idea that they really took them and poured them out when I wasn't looking, they always told me how wonderful my recipes were, and then one day, it all came down on me... I discovered the terrible truth, I discovered that mud actually, tasted bad, really really bad, I'm telling you Tara! I can still taste it!"  
  
Willow made a disgusted face and Tara laughed.  
  
"so that kinda shattered your dreams huh?"  
  
Willow shook her head, "heck no! only kinda delayed them, it took my first time in a real kitchen with a bowl, a spoon, milk, peanut butter, crackers, olives, cucumber, and this stuff that looked an awful lot like ketchup, to do that... and may we never speak of it again"  
  
Tara was doubled over laughing and Willow grinned at her.  
  
"so, you can see, why as much as I would truly love to make this cake for you, it is best for man kind that I don't, I'm kinda miss must-be-locked-up for the safety of the world"  
  
Tara nodded mock-seriously, "if it is for the good of man-kind than I am willing to make that sacrifice"  
  
Willow looked almost shocked and Tara grinned, "well, I wouldn't lock you up... unless of course I could be locked up with you". When the total impact of what she had just said sunk in, Tara turned away quickly, a dark blush forming on her cheeks, she didn't want Willow to see.  
  
Willow laughed, "I'm sure we can make room for two" she said, her heart swelling with happiness.  
  
Tara turned around, trying her best to compose herself, she grinned.  
  
"Tara!" a voice called up the stairs "can you come down here?"  
  
Tara tuned to towards the door and then turned to look at Willow, "It's my dad, come down, you can meet him"  
  
The two girls headed down the hallway, downstairs.  
  
At the bottom of the stairs stood a man with short brown hair, he wasn't particularly tall, but he definitely could not have been classified as short, he had this look about him, a look that said, 'I have been through a hell of a lot'. He was dressed in a black business suit, and he carried a briefcase.  
  
"Hey Daddy", Tara said as she stepped off the stairs, "This is Willow, remember? My friend from school?"  
  
Stephen Maclay nodded with a smile, "how could I forget, she hasn't talked about much else", he stepped forward and shook hands with Willow.  
  
Tara blushed darkly at her father's words, praying to god that Willow wouldn't notice.  
  
Willow shook his hand, grinning  
  
Stephen turned to look at his daughter, who in turn, had noticed his briefcase .  
  
"Where are you going Daddy?" she asked, sounding slightly disappointed "I thought you were taking the night off..."  
  
Stephen Maclay shook his head, "I know, I know, sweetie, but duty calls, and this is a very important meeting, don't wait up, I can see it being one of those lovely all-nighters"  
  
Tara nodded sadly, as Mr. Maclay, gave her a quick kiss on the head, and ruffled her hair, "you two have fun now" he said to them both, and walked out the door.  
  
The two girls stood there in silence for what seemed like an eternity, and then Willow spoke, "he seems nice" she said quietly,  
  
"oh, he is" Tara said, giving Willow a small smile  
  
"so... about that cake" Willow said grinning  
  
Tara laughed and the two girls walked into the kitchen.  
  
Willow sat down at the kitchen table and watched Tara as she set up the bowl, pan, and various ingredients. "let me know what I can do Tara" she said smiling.  
  
Tara nodded, "give me a minute and you can help me" she smiled "what do you know about mixing?" she asked grinning.  
  
Willow put on a mock-confused face, "mixing?" she asked "that's the...uh... spoon thing, right?"  
  
Tara nodded, "very good" she laughed unable to keep up the act, "and would you like to do the spoon thing?"  
  
Willow nodded eagerly  
  
Tara grinned "I think we can manage that" she said as she poured the various ingredients into the bowl.  
  
Willow watched her intently, leaning as close as she could to the bowl, and Tara.  
  
Tara passed the cocoa to Willow, "wanna try and open this? My hands are all eggy" she said scrunching up her nose.  
  
Willow gripped both sides of the packet and pulled it gently at first, but when the package refused to budge she tugged harder. "it's. stuck." She said through gritted teeth, still trying to open the package. All of the sudden, cocoa went flying everywhere, covering Willow and Tara and the entire kitchen table. Neither girl could say anything, Willow was frozen with shock, her mouth hanging open. She turned to face Tara and nearly cracked up laughing, she was covered with little brown flecks of chocolate, "Uh... you got something in your hair" she said.  
  
Both girls fell into fits of laughter. Both tried to wipe the offending cocoa out of their hair and off their clothes.  
  
Willow grinned sheepishly, "I'm thinking, maybe, I shouldn't try that spoon thing..."  
  
***  
  
Almost two hours later, the girls were lying down on Tara's bed, a bowl of popcorn sitting between them, watching a movie. The cake was cooling on the kitchen table, the rest of the baking process had gone surprisingly well. Willow even helped crack an egg and mix the batter.  
  
Willow kept stealing small glances at Tara. Smiling at her whenever she caught her eye. The movie wasn't really any good, but it was funny laughing at the terrible acting  
  
Tara sighed happily, she was having a wonderful night. Being with Willow, just seemed to get better and better the more time they spent together. Tara laughed as Willow began to imitate the main character in the movie they were watching.  
  
"ooo! My shirt!" she squealed "you're wearing my shirt!"  
  
Willow grinned at her and grabbed a handful of popcorn. "I don't know about you Tar but these teen movies just seem to get deeper and deeper every time I watch them, I mean, even the shirt, wow! The shirt truly symbolizes her true nature, or her identity as a women, you see what I mean?" Willow gave her a spiritual smile  
  
Tara laughed, "Oh! I see, so basically her best friend, who symbolizes another type of female, is stealing her shirt, or the true essence of her womanhood, and that is just wrong..."  
  
Willow nodded, "exactly"  
  
"Oh no..." Tara said  
  
"What?!" Willow looked at her  
  
"I just surpassed my all time level of confusing myself" she said grinning  
  
Willow laughed, "oh, join the club, that's me for you, miss-ramble-girl, pleased to meet you"  
  
All of the sudden a clock chimed somewhere in the house.  
  
"midnight" Tara said "Happy Birthday Dad" she said quietly  
  
Willow looked at Tara and sat up. "Are you ok?" she asked knowing full well that Tara wasn't "you can talk to me, you know, I'm here ears wide open, mouth shut, it's what friends are for"  
  
Tara gave her a small smile and shook her head, taking a deep breath, making a decision she had never considered making, letting someone else in.  
  
"If you really want to know" she said looking at Willow's face, seeing nothing but compassion and genuine care. "I'll start from the beginning"  
  
Willow nodded, not saying anything.  
  
"My family wasn't always like this, I mean, my dad, it used to be that I had to beg him to give me some time to myself, family time was really big." Tara smiled slightly at the memory, getting a far away look in her eyes. "I can remember every little trip, we used to take these picnics along the creek beside my house, Sometimes we would go swimming, if the weather was nice, and sometimes we would just lie along the river bank, soaking up the sun, playing with the grass. My mom and dad would tell me story after story, about princesses and gallant Knights, stories where dreams come true and the people live happily ever after. God, I loved those stories so much, I can remember begging my parents for one more, just one more, they would almost always give in" she said smiling softly.  
  
Willow sat there listening  
  
"My whole family was really close, probably because it was just the three of us. My mom, my dad, and me. My mom and I were more like sisters than anything else. We would spend long hours just talking, while she brushed and braided my hair, she was my best friend, well, to be perfectly honest she was my only friend, but I was happy, who wouldn't have been? I mean, maybe school wasn't good, and my social skills were far from ok, but I had all that I needed, I was loved". Tara felt the tears welling in her eyes.  
  
Willow wanted to reach out and put her arms around her, tell her that she is loved, that she is loved beyond belief.  
  
"My parents had one of those relationships, the ones where they may as well have fallen in love yesterday because that was how they acted, very much in love with each other. Life was perfect, until my mom got sick." Tara looked pained at reliving the memory, and tears started falling down her cheeks. "We didn't know what it was. At first it looked like just a bad cold, then it progressed to something like a fever. We took her to the doctors, and they gave us some medication, but even they weren't quite certain what her problem was, they assumed it would just pass. But it didn't. My mom was bed- bound, all she could do was sit up, and even sometimes that was too much effort. Finally the doctors took her into the hospital for some real examinations, and they found her problem. To this day I am not sure quite what she was diagnosed with. Some fancy sounding sickness, but it didn't really matter to me, all I knew was that my mom was in pain, that she was hurting and that there was nothing I could do about it", tears continued to coarse down Tara's face, she turned and looked Willow in the eyes, "They said she'd die, they told us that she wouldn't live, but I refused to believe it, not my mom, it wasn't possible. But she did Willow, one morning she was gone, I woke up and she was gone, I remember walking into her room and climbing up on the bed to be with her, needing her ever- constant comfort, but I didn't find it, all I found was cold, all I found was the empty shell that had once been the most amazing woman I have ever known. My world was shattered. The secure walls my family had built up came tumbling down, leaving me alone and vulnerable. I didn't think that I would ever move on, that I would ever be able to survive without her, but slowly, it got easier, not a day goes by that I don't think of her, but, it doesn't hurt all of the time now, I can smile at her memory, remember the good things." Tara brought her hand up to her face, to wipe the tears that wouldn't stop falling.  
  
Willow reached out and tenderly wiped Tara's eyes with thumb, her heart hurt her so badly, knowing the pain that Tara must have gone through.  
  
They sat in silence for a moment and then Tara continued, quietly, "my dad was never the same after that, he threw everything he had into his job, working full time and as late as he could. I think it hurt him to see me. I look like her, you know. he always told me that. He was always working, and then when he got the job promotion, he sold our land and house, and we moved here, to Sunnydale, California. I know he loves me Will" she said the tears welling again, "I know he tries, but I... I just want my daddy back" she said breaking down completely.  
  
Willow couldn't resist anymore, she took her into her arms and rocked her soothingly. "shhh... it's ok" she whispered to the sobbing blond "it's ok, I'm here for you".  
  
The two girls sat this way until Tara's crying quieted down.  
  
Tara sat up and wiped her eyes, "I'm sorry Willow" she said quietly  
  
"no!" Willow said forcefully, "don't you ever be sorry, I'm here for you Tara, I always will be, I want you to know that"  
  
Tara smiled slightly, "I'm all blotchy" she said  
  
Willow shook her head, then looked Tara in the eyes, "you're beautiful"  
  
Tara looked at Willow, staring straight into her eyes, and seeing nothing but love and adoration, she couldn't take her eyes away from Willow's as the redhead reached out her hand to cup her face.  
  
Tara rubbed her cheek slowly against Willow's soft hand, she sighed and brought her hand up to rest on top of Willow's.  
  
Willow leaned forward slowly, until her lips met Tara's, soft skin against even softer skin, this was bliss.  
  
Tara brought her hands up and put them around Willow's neck pulling her closer, wanting to be as close as she possibly could.  
  
The kiss deepened as Willow ran her tongue slowly along Tara's bottom lip.  
  
Tara opened her mouth eagerly accepting the tongue, she felt like she was on fire.  
  
Willow put her arms around Tara's waist pulling her even closer to her.  
  
After a few minutes the girls pulled away, both breathing hard.  
  
Willow looked at Tara and moved to push her back onto the bed, she climbed on top of her, straddling her with her legs. Willow looked down at Tara, her eyes saying everything she had yet to say. She leaned forward and kissed Tara softly, and then pulled her lips away, bringing them up to her ear. "I love you Tara Maclay" she said softly  
  
Tara's heart felt like it was going to explode, "oh god..." she whispered "I love you too Willow, I love you too"  
  
Willow kissed her again on the lips, a small kiss, and then kissed her nose. She sat up and looked at Tara grinning. "you taste like chocolate" 


	9. Decisions

Chapter 9  
  
Penguin'sPawn: Thanks for the feedback! I know what you mean about it being so sad about Tara's mom, maybe I'll sound totally crazy here but, when I write it's like the story isn't mine anymore, once it's on paper, it is this real world somehow, so I always love to update cause, as much as I may leave you guys hanging on for an update I always want one even more, yep! Told you it sounded crazy! :D  
  
Charmed-Dragon: Glad you like my fic!!! Hope you like the next part!! :D  
  
Ryu Sakana: Thanks so much for all the feedback!!! I'm really glad that you like my fic and the way I wrote Will and Tara. I try and make it as natural as possible when it comes to their emotions. :D Will/Tara forever!!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BTVS characters, (wish I did!) that privilege belongs to Joss and ME.  
  
The sun shone into the bedroom through the open curtains. Tara moved slightly on the bed. Waking up, two thoughts hitting her. Willow kissed me. Willow loves me. Tara smiled, feeling the warm sun on her face. She reached out slowly, expecting to feel soft skin but feeling nothing but empty space. She opened her eyes to confirm what she already knew. Willow was not sleeping on her bed. She glanced around quickly for some sign of the redhead and saw her curled up by the door, her head in her arms.  
  
"Willow" she said gently, walking over to her. "Will, are you ok?". When Willow didn't respond Tara sat on the floor next to her, placing one hand on her back for comfort. "Please tell me sweetie" she said, "I want to be there for you like you are for me Will".  
  
At those words Willow lifted her head to look at Tara. Tara could plainly see that Willow had been crying. Here eyes were puffy, red, and bloodshot.  
  
"See Tara" she said softly, "I..." she started as if to tell her something but changed her mind in the middle, "sometimes I can't believe the way my life's turned out"  
  
Tara looked at her, feeling stung. "D-d-did I do something wrong Will?" she asked, stuttering for the first time in a long time, while being around Willow.  
  
"No! all you did was right Tar. It's me... all me..." Willow looked down at her hands unable to look Tara into eyes.  
  
Tara reached out and placed some stray locks of Willows flamey hair behind her ears. "talk to me Will" she urged.  
  
"Tara, you love me?" Willow questioned softly, looking at Tara for a confirmation she knew she would get.  
  
Tara nodded, "I love you Will", she said her voice strong and forceful but filled with worry and fear. "I love you so much sweetie". Tara pulled Willow into her arms.  
  
Willow's bottom lip began to quiver as she felt Tara's arms around her, "I don't deserve you Tara" she said, tears now streaming down her face, "I am just an insecure little baby, I can't even care about the friends I have known practically since I was born. You deserve someone so much better than me"  
  
Tara squeezed her tight, "there is no one better than you Will"  
  
Tara looked Willow in the eyes, "in a million years, I would never want anyone else" she said kissing Willow's cheek, tasting the salty tears.  
  
Willow began to shake in her arms as the tears fell again, "Tara" she sobbed "I don't understand why I feel these things" Tara looked confused and almost hurt, thinking that Willow was talking about her love for her, "what things?" she asked softly.  
  
Willow looked down at her hands, "for a long time I have felt so angry, so hurt Tara, and it doesn't make sense. Sometimes I think that I am just a terrible person."  
  
Tara looked at her worried, "what do you mean?"  
  
Willow looked up  
  
Tara could see the pain in her eyes  
  
"It started a couple of months ago, I started to feel sad Tara, really sad, and at the same time lost and angry. I... I don't understand it, but I felt it... it was like this deep emotion would take over me... like I was sinking in this pit of despair, and it was dark, so dark, and I was alone, and I was scared. I have had these horrible dreams"  
  
Tara moved closer to Willow, wanting to take away all the pain.  
  
"I would cry" Willow continued, looking at Tara "until I'd cried all my tears, and then I still managed to cry some more" she sighed and looked at her hands " I'm so horrible... I can't even stand to be around my best friends anymore, it's like they just make me all angry and...and even sadder. The only thing in my life that seems any good.... The only thing in my life that can make me smile, is you, Tara, I have only known you for a few days, but it feels like forever, already I love you more than anything I have ever known, but I don't deserve someone as wonderful as you. I...I am not a nice person"  
  
Tara moved so that she was facing Willow directly. "Now you look at me and listen Willow Rosenberg" she said with a force that even surprised her "what you just told me. What you just described. That sounded like some sort of depression. Depression is a horrible thing to live with Willow. But it does happen and it doesn't make you any less of a good person. You see Will, you care, you are upset by the things you have been thinking, the way you have been acting, it affected you, and if you were a bad person then you probably wouldn't have thought twice about it. I don't know how people's minds work. I don't know what it must have been like..."  
  
Tara reached her hand tracing Willows lips lightly, running her fingers up and down them slowly. "But I know you Will. You're strong. You must be, you survived this long without someone to talk to" Tara sighed "I am here for you Will, always... I am only sorry that I wasn't before, it... it must have been so hard for you"  
  
Willow looked at Tara, seeing the concern etched on her face, she nodded slowly "but you make it all better Tara... do you... do you think that they hate me now? After the way I have treated them?"  
  
"I don't think they could ever hate you Will" Tara said softly and then added "and don't you ever say that you aren't good enough for me! Ever! You are far more than I deserve Willow Rosenberg! So don't let me hear you putting yourself down again!"  
  
Willow shook her head, raised an eyebrow and grinned, "wow, I like this side of you"  
  
Tara cracked a smile, "you like it when I act all bossy huh?"  
  
Willow nodded and gave a tiny puppy dog face, "it's therapy for me, I need to be kept in line"  
  
Tara gave a thoughtful smile, then looked at Willow, smirking, "well if it's for medical purposes then who am I to hold out on you", she stood up, pulling Willow up with her and then began kissing her, not a soft, gentle, kiss, but one full of passion and lust.  
  
Willow hadn't expected the impact Tara had made, and the two girls fell against the wall, neither noticing or caring.  
  
When the girls pulled apart, Tara stood back, looking at Willow who was breathing heavily, she smiled innocently, "did that help at all?"  
  
Willow nodded, "I think it did, yeah, I mean, maybe you should dose that stuff out on a regular basis, just to keep my health levels up"  
  
Tara grinned, "Oh...uh...I think I can manage that" she said planting a small kiss on Willow's nose.  
  
***  
  
Willow couldn't believe how fast everything had happened, less than four days ago she had met the love of her life, and less than a day ago, she was at a loss for what to do, knowing that she loved her, wanting to be with her, but then it had seemed so impossible. Now she had Tara, and Tara knew everything and still loved her.  
  
Tara grabbed her hand. "Will you come somewhere with me?" she asked.  
  
Willow nodded, "of course, where are we going?"  
  
After putting their shoes on, Tara led Willow, down the stairs and out the front door.  
  
"I just wanted to go for a walk" Tara said, finally answering Willow's question.  
  
Willow smiled, "walks are always good, cause, they're good for you, and good for you, is healthy and healthy is good so, yeah, walks are good"  
  
Tara grinned, "good" she said happily as the two girls made their way down the street to the park.  
  
They walked in silence for a while, just enjoying each other's company.  
  
Willow stopped, pulling Tara down to sit on the grass with her. The two girls sat as close together as they possibly could and held hands as they looked out over the lake.  
  
Tara rested her head on Willow's shoulder.  
  
After a few minutes Tara spoke.  
  
"Will?" she asked softly, breaking the comfortable silence they had been enveloped in.  
  
"yeah?"  
  
"How... how are we gonna tell people about us?"  
  
Willow pulled away and looked Tara in the eyes, "Oh... uh...I wonder how they'd take it ... I mean... well..."  
  
Tara looked Willow in the eyes, "we don't have to tell them, I mean, not yet anyway, not until you are comfortable with us"  
  
Willow interrupted, "I am comfortable with us baby!, it's just... it's not that...it's..."  
  
Tara shook her head, "no, I meant to say ready... I don't mind Will, whenever you are ready"  
  
Willow nodded snuggling up to Tara as the morning sun shone down on the girls.  
  
"I want to tell em... I want to tell em soon, maybe, just, not yet" Willow said.  
  
"ok Will" Tara said softly "as long as I'm with you I'm happy, no matter who knows"  
  
Willow smiled at Tara, one that seemed to radiate the love she felt for the blond. "I love you Tara" she said putting an arm around the blonds waist and staring out at the lake.  
  
"I love you too Will", Tara whispered as they watched the ripples in the water flow as two ducks swam past. 


	10. Greeneyed Monster

Chapter 10  
  
Intersection- Thanks so much! It means a lot to hear that : ) ah, so you like jealous Buffy? Well, then you got your wish (see below) I had planned more of her, but she didn't seem to suit last last chapter, (if you know what I mean)  
  
PenguinsEvilPawn- oooh, thanks! I love long feedback *grins*, I know what you mean about the show not showing people's reactions so much, and or realistically, but I plan to portray it realistically and hopefully you'll like it : ) thanks for the review!! Hope you like this next part!!  
  
Ryu Sakana- thanks so much!! I'm glad you like it!!! And to explain the ultra cuteness. well all credit goes to Willow and Tara for that : ) hope you like the next part!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BTVS characters, (wish I did!) that privilege belongs to Joss and ME.  
  
Willow Rosenberg tried hard to concentrate on the teacher at the front of the classroom, but no matter how much she tried her mind just continued to wander. It had been almost two weeks since the sleepover, and Willow had been spending as much time as humanly possible with Tara. And whenever they weren't together, they would be, in her head, taking a walk, holding hands, kissing, or just talking. Willow felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders in the course of that one weekend. She would still find herself feeling a little sad sometimes, but all she had to do was snuggle up to Tara and it would all be ok. Tara seemed to have a sixth sense that was Willow. She was so in tuned with her feelings that it was amazing, and Willow had never felt more loved.  
  
Tara picked up her pencil and then dropped it down onto the desk. Picked it up and then dropped it again. She was restless. If their was one thing that made her hate science more than not being able to do it, would have to have been the serious lack of Willow presence. It happened to be her worst class and it was just plain bad luck that she and Willow weren't together for it. 'must go to Willow, must be near Willow, must see Willow' Tara lay her head on her arms as the teachers voice droned on, imagining that she were anywhere but here, all alone with a certain someone else.  
  
Buffy stared at the redhead sitting in front of her. Lately she hardly ever saw her, and when she did, she was always with Tara. Buffy sighed, thinking of the new girl, she seemed nice, and even though she was very shy, there were times when she would see her with Willow, and it was like she was really seeing her, like her heart was shining through. The two girls seemed to complement each other perfectly, each boosting the other and making their lives better. Willow no longer appeared to be so sad. Buffy didn't know what had been wrong with her but she was thrilled that she was happier now. 'oh... but you're not' this tiny voice in her head kept saying 'you're jealous, really, really jealous, you can't stand it that Willow is spending all her time with someone else...'. Buffy frowned, 'I am happy for her' she thought, silently battling the voices in her head 'I am', but deep down she felt a tinge of sadness. 'am I really that terrible a friend?'  
  
***  
  
The second the bell rang, it was up and out of the classroom. Willow grabbed her books and rushed past a crowd of students who were slowly making their way to the door.  
  
"ah... Wi-" Buffy started but stopped when Willow went zooming past without even so much as a hello.  
  
"ok their Buff?" Xander asked after untangling himself from his desk. "cause you look like someone killed your favorite puppy, or your only puppy, either way, what's up with the buffster?"  
  
"does she hate me?"  
  
"huh? Did you just ask me if she hated you? Cause I'm assuming your 'she' could only mean two people, Willow, or our lovely teacher who decided to assign us all a butt-full of waste-of-timish homework, and seeing as how I don't think you would be so upset by her hating you, I'll settle with option number one... does Will hate you?! Yeah, sure Buffy, like she could ever hate you! Best friends remember?" Xander looked at her, she appeared to be deep in thought. "earth to Buffy. Come in Buffy!"  
  
"what...oh...yeah... I'm fine... it's just, she's never around anymore Xander"  
  
Xander gave a small grin, "could be because she is now Miss popular, it's a nice thing for her" he said his face containing a smile made of pure love and friendship, "she really deserves that"  
  
Buffy looked over at Xander and nodded, "yeah...yeah she does..."  
  
***  
  
"Tara!" Willow called as she raced up the hallway.  
  
Tara stopped and turned around, a huge smile plastered one her face. "Willow!" she said grinning. 'God how I wanna kiss her right now!' she thought.  
  
Willow stopped, breathing hard. "h- h-ow...was...your science class?" she asked panting.  
  
Tara laughed, "aaaw sweetie, looks like you ran too fast", then realizing what she had just said, she glanced around the hallway to see if any faces were directed at them, and finding none, she turned back to look at Willow, a small sheepish grin on her face. "yeah...uh...wanna get out of here? We can have lunch outside..."  
  
Willow nodded eagerly, a little flustered, "yeah! Let's go" she said grabbing her arm.  
  
***  
  
Outside, resting peacefully together, hidden by trees, the girls savoured their time.  
  
" I missed you Will", Tara said, reaching out and running her hand down Willow's arm.  
  
Willow smiled, "I missed you too baby" she said snuggling up on the kneeling Tara's legs, she looked up at her and smiled, blissfully happy.  
  
When the bell rang signaling the end of lunch break and the start of yet another bunch of separate classes, Willow stood up, reaching out her hand to help Tara up.  
  
"Will..." Tara started wanting to say it before they left the protection of the trees, "I am so sorry about before, I... in the school... I nearly blew it...I'm sorry" she finished, genuine regret in her voice.  
  
Willow leaned over and kissed her lightly, smiling, "it's ok baby, it's not your fault, I can hardly keep my hands off of you in there"  
  
Tara smiled, "oh me too Will, me too"  
  
Reluctantly Willow let go of Tara's hand and the two girls walked out of the trees and into the school.  
  
***  
  
"you just need to make more of an effort Buffy"  
  
Joyce Summers was sitting on the end of her daughter's bed. "if Willow is hanging around with a new friend then maybe you should get to know her too, so the three of you can hang out and do whatever it is that the two of them always do"  
  
Buffy was sprawled out on the bed, "I know, I know" she grumbled "maybe I'll invite them over on the weekend, we can watch movies, have a real girls night, just the three of us"  
  
Joyce nodded her approval of the idea.  
  
" I mean, Xander would be cool with the idea, he's like that, you know, plus I'm sure that he and Cordelia will find some way to fill the time" Buffy said with a grin, getting more and more excited about the idea of inviting Willow and Tara over.  
  
Joyce smiled at her daughter "well, what are you waiting for, you have a phone, you have legs, use them"  
  
***  
  
"Will... Will...sweetie... the phone's ringing" Tara said gently nudging Willow, in an attempt to wake her up.  
  
"huh... wuh? Tara?" Willow asked groggily.  
  
Tara grinned, " you fell asleep while we were working, I couldn't bear to wake you up, but the phone's ringing and we are the only ones here, so I figured that I should"  
  
Willow sat up quickly and reached out, picking up the phone, "Hello"  
  
"Will? It's me Buffy, you ok? You sound like you were sleeping or something"  
  
"Oh hey" she said, looking at Tara and mouthing 'it's Buffy' "yeah, I was sleeping before, so what did you need?" "Oh, I had a great idea Will! Well, since lately we've all been kinda busy with, er... other things, and haven't had much of a chance to hang out, I thought we could do a girl's night. You, me, and Tara, cause you know, she's been here for such a long time and I hardly even know her! So what do you think? I mean would you ask her for me?"  
  
Willow looked shocked, not quite what she had expected, but the more she thought it over, the less she could see wrong with the idea, it was even beginning to sound appealing. Her best friend and her girl friend, what more could a girl ask for.  
  
"Will? So...?"  
  
"oh, yeah, sorry... sure Buffy can you just hold on a sec?"  
  
"yep"  
  
Willow took the phone away from her ear and covered the receiver with her hand. "She wants to know if we want to do a movie night sort of thing at her house, the three of us, do you wanna? I mean, I'll understand if you don't, cause you might feel a little intimi-"  
  
"sounds like fun" Tara said, silencing the redhead mid-babble, with a small kiss.  
  
Willow reluctantly pulled herself away, grinning, "Ok, well... I ...uh... I'll just be telling her that then" she said as she brought the phone to her ear again.  
  
"we'd love to Buffy" Willow said.  
  
"great, um, tomorrow night then? Um.say eightish?"  
  
"sounds good" Willow said happily  
  
"ok, well gotta go now, see ya Will"  
  
"Bye Buffy"  
  
***  
  
Buffy placed the phone back in it's cradle.  
  
'She's coming!' she thought, 'and Tara said that she was coming too'. Buffy's brow furrowed, 'that means that she was at Willow's house, but Willow was just sleeping.' Buffy shook her head, 'ok, not even gonna try and figure that one out'. She stood up and walked down the stairs to get a drink, 'besides' she thought 'it's all gonna be great. we'll all be pals in no time!' 


	11. Good Clean Fun

Chapter 11  
  
Becky: uh...hi! : )  
  
Intersection: thanks! Glad that you like it!!! Um... I must confess that it was not my intention to go with Buffy as bi-sexual, hadn't really crossed my mind.... Hmm... about Angel, you know... I didn't really think much about him, but I'd say it was after Angel went evil... doesn't really matter to my fic thought cause as far as I can see, he won't be in it... but you never know with me!  
  
PenguinsEvilPawn:I'm glad you like my fic!!! Yep, soon Buffy will find out about em... I have it all planned out up here *points to her head* thanks for reading!  
  
Ryu Sakana: yes, it is very about time that Buffy finds out, amd seeing as how she appears to be so thick, we may just have to spell it out for her. glad you're liking the fic!!!  
  
Roxy: Roxy!! Ooh! Thanks... you like it? *Grins*, you do realize that because I updated my fic you know have to update yours? *pointed glance* yes... yes you do missy!  
  
Thanks guys!!! Sorry it took so long! I am in year 12 and I'm sure you all either know, have experienced, have heard of, or will be experiencing the wonderfulness that is year 12, and can understand my problem.... But YAY! I finally got time to update!!! Hope you all like!!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BTVS characters, (wish I did!) that privilege belongs to Joss and ME.  
  
"so... you like it here, then?" Buffy asked, looking Tara intently in the face, grasping on to the thread of conversation as if it were the last. The girls had been sitting in the room for nearly an hour just talking, and much to Buffy's dismay they hadn't found all that much to say to each other. Even the lately bubbly, cheery Will, didn't have much to say.  
  
"uh...y-yeah...I mean, it's...it's great... It's a beautiful place" Tara said almost shyly, "and I've made great new friends" she added giving Willow a meaningful glance and brushing her arm up against Willow's arm, softly and slightly, so as to make it just barely noticeable.  
  
Willow gulped at Tara's touch and smiled, "well, we love having you here Tare! That's me!" she said grinning overly cheerfully at Buffy, "miss- welcoming-squad!, well. actually I'm more miss-attempt-to-be-welcoming-but- actually-making-a-fool-of-myself!"  
  
Buffy nodded, "oh yeah" she said grinning, relieved that the conversation had turned to something that she knew about , 'the stories I could tell you about Will, Tara! I mean, some of the things she's done! Like this one time, there was this cow and."  
  
Willow gave Buffy a death glare, "don't you dare tell her that!" she said squealing, grabbing the pillow on the couch next to her and flinging it across the room at Buffy, where it landed, hitting her square in the face.  
  
Silence filled the room as the girls took in what had just happened, and then there was the glint. The little evil eye glint that said, 'woah be you! Here it comes.', as Buffy picked up a pillow, aiming it at Willow, who squealed and ducked under Tara's protective arm. Tara was laughing, until the pillow landed in her face. She looked shocked for a moment, then smirked, picking up the pillow and throwing it at Buffy, this time hitting her in the head.  
  
Now it was Buffy's turn to look shocked, she hadn't expected Tara to be much of the pillow throwing type. She looked into the blondes face, and saw a small challenging grin, and not one to be outdone Buffy picked up another pillow ready to pummel Tara. Mayhem ensued as Willow joined the battle, fighting to protect her lady loves honor against the evil witch Buffy.  
  
***  
  
"oh my god!" Willow said laughing hard, "I haven't done that in years!"  
  
The three girls were sprawled out on the floor of Buffy's room, legs and arms spread flat across the ground, too exhausted to stand up.  
  
Buffy nodded, turning over to face Willow, who was next to Tara, "that was classic, just classic, I mean, who woulda thought that I could kick both your butts?"  
  
Tara glanced at Willow with a smirk, and then looked at Buffy, "if I weren't so beat right now, I'd make you eat your words..."  
  
Willow nodded, "yeah...me too!... we so won, Buffy!"  
  
Buffy grinned, "well, I dunno, what do you consider winning? Collapsing on the floor of my room after I chased you around the house?"  
  
Willow snorted and Tara laughed, "you? Chase us? Not quite the way we remember it, hey Will? And might I point out that you were collapsing right beside us!"  
  
Buffy sat up, her head resting on her arm, as she surveyed the two girls, a small pout on her face, "that is way unfair! I mean, you two outnumber me! You're like one and I'm one, but a not as strong one! I mean, you're like two in one! All powers combined ya know? And," she said gasping dramatically, "I seem to have no allies"  
  
Tara stopped laughing for a moment, taking in Buffy's words, 'she's so right' she thought, her heart swelling with happiness, 'we really are like one person now, I need her and she needs me, we complete each other'  
  
Willow knew exactly what Tara was thinking, as she looked over at her, seeing the emotion in her eyes. She reached out, and poked Tara, a small, very unrelated action, but she knew that Tara would understand what she meant. "Go us!" she said softly, grinning, her eyes sparkling as Tara looked at her.  
  
Tara returned the grin.  
  
The two girls continued to smile at each other until Buffy moved to stand up, breaking them out of their gaze.  
  
"I don't know about you two, but I could sure use some ice cream about now! I mean 'phew!' I am SOOO hot here!!" she said fanning herself, "what do you girls say? Ice cream and a movie, or we can have ice cream and a deep, dark, secret, truth or dare session?" Buffy asked looking at Willow and Tara.  
  
Tara laughed, "hmmm... what do you think Will? I'm gonna safely say that ice cream it is!"  
  
Willow laughed, "oh! Yep! Me too... I choose ice cream..."  
  
Buffy looked frustrated, "but...but... you are SO avoiding my question here!!"  
  
Tara looked at her innocently, "oh, I'm sorry Buffy, what was the question?" Both Tara and Willow cracked up laughing at the look of irritation on Buffy's face.  
  
"I said..."  
  
"no! It's ok Buffy!" Tara said quickly, interrupting, "we were just picking... I don't mind really, either is great!"  
  
"Will?" Buffy asked, looking her way.  
  
"um... can we do 'eenie meenie minie moe'? I mean... they are both good ideas..." Willow said, looking a little uncomfortable. "Ooh! I know! I'll think of a number from one to ten and then each idea can choose one, and the one closest wins!" Willow finished excitedly, glancing from Buffy to Tara, seeing the looks she was getting, and then realizing just what she had suggested. "ok...fine.... Maybe not such a good idea... but you guys haven't come up with any better!"  
  
Tara smiled, very used to Willow's quirkiness; it still always brought a smile to her face. She loved Willows spontaneous burst of excitement, and her little ideas, life was never dull with her around and there were never shortages of things to say, although sometimes, the best conversations were the ones when neither girl said anything.  
  
Buffy shook her head at Willow's babble, grinning, "ok, well, we CAN use your idea Will"  
  
Willow looked confused, "we can?"  
  
Buffy nodded, "yep, just give the idea voices"  
  
Willow looked even more confused.  
  
Tara nodded quickly, finally grasping what Buffy was getting at. "Will, you pick a number from one through ten and write it down, I'll be truth or dare, and Buffy can be movie night. We each pick a number and the closest one, we go with!"  
  
"ooohh..." Willow said, catching on, "ok! Cool!", she thought for a moment, "oh! Got it!" she said scrawling down a number on a tiny piece of white paper and folding it over, placing it on the bed, "Go on, guess now!"  
  
Buffy grinned, "okie-dokie, I'll be first! On behalf of the wonderful movie line up we could be having I say... eight!", she glanced at Willow's face, hoping to get some sign of how close she was, but was disappointed when her face gave away nothing.  
  
Tara looked at Willow, "my turn?"  
  
Willow nodded  
  
Tara smiled, "my guess... my guess is one"  
  
Willow walked to the bed, picked up the piece of paper and handed it to Tara, who unfolded it and read it.  
  
"and one it is, exactly right..." Willow said smiling at her.  
  
Buffy pouted, not used to losing, but brightened when she remembered which idea did win, "oooh! So we get to play truth or dare then!! Yay! Now for the ice cream!" she said excitedly running out of the room, expecting Willow and Tara to follow her.  
  
Tara walked over to Willow and leaned over, whispering in her ear, "could be fun" she said softly, almost seductively, brushing close against Willow as she walked past and out of the room.  
  
Willow stood there, mouth gaping, and then ran to follow her girlfriend and Buffy into the Summer's kitchen.  
  
***  
  
When Willow entered, Tara was seated at the kitchen table looking as if nothing had happened.  
  
Buffy was rifling through the freezer in search of the ice cream.  
  
"I know, it's in here somewhere!" she grunted, "oooph! No wait! I got em!"  
  
Willow sat down at the table and threw a glance Tara's way.  
  
Tara smiled sweetly at her, looking to anyone else perfectly innocent, but Willow could see the mischievous Tara glint in her eyes.  
  
"and so we have ice cream", Buffy smiled proudly placing two tubs down on the table, along with three bowls and spoons.  
  
"ah Buff? Two tubs? You really hungry, huh?" Willow asked eyeing the ice- coated tubs.  
  
"no silly! Different flavors!" Buffy picked up one tub. "here we have a nice vanilla, everybody loves vanilla, and here" she said putting down the tub and picking up the other, "we have chocolate, yummy yummy chocolate, what can I get you Tara?"  
  
At the mention of the chocolate ice cream, Willow stiffened, 'yeah! Like my need to kiss her isn't big enough already... mmm... chocolaty Tara lips... please don't have chocolate! Please don't have chocolate!'  
  
Tara smiled at Buffy, "oh um... the vanilla sounds great" Willow let out a sigh of relief.  
  
"but, I must say it's the chocolate that does it for me"  
  
Buffy nodded, scooping some chocolate ice cream into a bowl.  
  
Willow couldn't bring herself to look at Tara, her heart was already beating way too fast! And she was breathing hard.  
  
"And you Will?", Buffy asked  
  
"oh...um...I'll...uh...just go with a nice safe vanilla" she said, her voice coming out strangely higher than normal, she hoped Buffy wouldn't notice, "I mean, who doesn't like vanilla, right? Vanilla is like the world wide flavor, right? You know, it's the one with those ads... the 'I'm Mr. Happy and I like vanilla ice cream so you should too!' ads... right? I..."  
  
Buffy interrupted her by shoving the bowl into her hands, "uh...yeah...whatever... here ya go!"  
  
Willow accepted the bowl and picked up her spoon, preparing to take a bite.  
  
"good stuff?" Buffy asked, sitting down at the table, taking a huge bite of her ice cream, "shall we play then?" she asked, grinning.  
  
"yep" Tara said smiling at Buffy.  
  
Willow glanced tentatively at Tara, just in time to witness her take a bite of her ice cream. It took everything she had not to run over there and throw herself at Tara when she saw her begin to suck on the chocolate ice cream filled spoon. She didn't eat the bite whole, no, instead she licked at the spoon and sucked on it, slowly and carefully.  
  
"Will? How about you? You ready?" Buffy asked, throwing her best friend a strange look.  
  
"wha! I mean... yeah! Sure!" she said, looking down at her bowl and taking a bite of her own ice cream. "ask away!" she said, then thought, 'anything to take my mind off of...'  
  
Buffy grinned, "ok! I'll explain the game..."  
  
Tara smiled to herself, she knew she was driving Willow crazy.  
  
"so, you get it then right?" Buffy finished "basically you HAVE to answer the truths when you choose truth!'  
  
Willow and Tara both nodded.  
  
Buffy smiled excitedly, "ok! I start!" she said, completely oblivious to the tension around her, "hmmm... Willow!" she said, verbally pouncing on Willow, "yes you! truth or dare?"  
  
Willow looked thoughtful, she hated playing this game with Buffy, because whenever she chose dare, Buffy would give her these horrible things to do! 'But then her truths are usually pretty safe...' she thought, 'well, sure it's been like a year since we've played and I don't really remember but... truth still sounds more appealing... I could never forget those dares' she thought shuddering.  
  
"Will?"  
  
"Oh...um...truth"  
  
Buffy grinned wickedly and Tara watched with interest.  
  
"ok...umm...I know! do you like someone? And I don't mean in a friend way! In a Xander sort of way!"  
  
Willow looked shocked, how could she have been so stupid! It hadn't even occurred to her that Buffy would ask something like that, because, honestly whenever she had played before it hadn't mattered, Buffy knew about Xander and there had been no one else... But now...  
  
Tara looked at Willow, her heart going out to her, but at the same time extremely curious as to how she would answer that question.  
  
"well?!" Buffy pressed.  
  
"um...actually no" Willow said, looking down at her ice cream bowl, the idea coming to her at the last minute, 'thank god for twisting words!' she thought! 'I love Tara, Xander is a guy and Tara is a girl, AND in an entirely different league as Xander'  
  
Buffy squealed, "oh my god! Will!!! Come on!! You so do!!" she griped.  
  
"ah ah ah Buffy!" Tara said, "you've had your question, I do believe that you have to wait your turn"  
  
"bu! But... that is just cruel!" Buffy said, whining.  
  
"that's life", Tara said with a grin  
  
Willow glanced over at Tara and gulped as she took another bite of her slowly melting ice cream.  
  
"Truth or Dare Buffy?" Tara asked  
  
"Truth" Buffy said  
  
"um...  
  
***  
  
The game lasted another hour, until all the ice cream was eaten and the girls could barely keep their eyes open.  
  
"We should go". Willow said, standing up and stretching.  
  
Tara nodded her agreement, making her way towards the door.  
  
"let me walk you guys" Buffy said  
  
Willow shook her head reluctantly,  
  
"Will...nighttime... Sunnydale..." Buffy reminded, "besides" she added glancing at Tara, "I just feel like a walk, you know my thing for nighttime strolls"  
  
Willow nodded, resigned, as Buffy walked them home.  
  
Upon reaching Willow's house, Buffy offered to walk Tara home.  
  
"no! I mean... no...it's ok...she's sleeping here tonight" Willow rushed "thanks for tonight Buff it was fun"  
  
Tara nodded her agreement, smiling.  
  
Buffy nodded, watching the girls enter Willow's house, she turned and walked towards the cemetery. 'well, that was an interesting evening. Tara sure is cool and she and Willow are really close! Really really close actually' she thought almost surprised, 'but man! I wish Willow would tell me about the guy! I mean! I am SOO sure she has the hots for someone... she seems so over Xander...' she thought. Willow had refused to admit that she liked someone but Buffy wasn't conviced, she grumbled to herself "she better tell me soon...".  
  
***  
  
Willow walked passed the living room where her parents sat watching tv, and after calling out a brief 'we're home' , headed up the stairs to her room, Tara in tow. The moment the latch fell into place Willow pounced on Tara, she backed her so hard into the wall that they could actually feel the blow. Willow kissed her passionately, with all her strength, trying to make up for the deep longing that had been building up.  
  
"do" she said each word between little small kisses "you know how much you drive me crazy?"  
  
Tara was writhing under her touch, 'oh god!' she thought 'I've created a monster... and hell! I love it!'  
  
The two girls moved over to the bed so that they could be more comfortable, and they lay down, kissing each other passionately, softly, teasingly, until they were out of breath, and then as soon as they could, kissed some more, exploring, never taking their eyes away from the others.  
  
***  
  
as sleep was overtaking the girls, Tara snuggled close to Willow, "Will?" she asked quietly, "you awake?"  
  
"yeah baby, what's wrong?", Willow asked pulling Tara closer in her arms  
  
Tara paused for a moment, took a deep breath and then asked, "what happened with the cow?" 


	12. just a little note

Ok. I HAVE written another chapter of this fic but it is kind of less with the funnies and far more angsty. Dealing with the coming out issues. I haven't posted it yet because I'm not sure if you all will really want to read that sort of thing, but give me a little 'yes' in the feedback and I will certainly post it for you : )  
  
ah. about the cow. that is a secret. it's just this thing. but HEY use your imaginations! Makes it all that much funner! 


	13. Dilemmas

PenguinsEvilPawn- Oh no! I am going to be attacked by blue penguins! looks scared don't worry! She'll find out soon :) Thanks!!  
  
Ryu Sakana- I'm so glad that you liked the update!! The cow is this looong joke between my best friend and I! Hope you like this new one!  
  
Charmed-Dragon- Thanks!! I'm really glad that you liked it!! Unfortunately the cow can not be explained but, use your imagination! I always prefer that option myself. you don't wanna know the things I can come up with!  
  
Mrs.Post-it [yah know those fun sticker things!]- awwwwwww! Thanks for that! Sorry I waited so long to post this, but, like I said, and you will see once you've read it, this is a very different update.  
  
Ok, here it is then.  
  
Chapter 12  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BTVS characters, (wish I did!) that privilege belongs to Joss and ME.  
  
"Willow? Sweetie?"  
  
"hmmm?"  
  
"I love you"  
  
"love you too baby, more than anything"  
  
Willow sighed contentedly, her head resting against Tara's bare stomach. She ran her hands up and down it, enjoying the silky feeling of her skin.  
  
"I never thought things could feel any better Tare" Willow started softly, "just when I think that they are the best they can possibly be, and that there can be nothing more amazing then kissing you... I was wrong"  
  
Tara nodded, running her hands through Willow's hair. "You just take my breath away Will" she said with a smile, "every little thing you did... every little thing you do, pure heaven"  
  
Willow smiled, lifting her head and bringing it up to Tara's, "no...I'm in heaven just looking at you", she leaned over and kissed her softly, and then pulled away, remaining a few inches above her lips.  
  
"can things be like this forever Will? You and me? Together.." Tara asked  
  
"naked?" Willow offered  
  
"oh, yes, well, that too... it's just that life is so perfect when I am with you. All my problems just seem to vanish".  
  
Willow kissed her again, this time a little harder. They deepened their kiss, trying, with all their might, to never let go.  
  
When the girls were out of breath, Willow lay her head back on Tara's stomach, tracing her bellybutton with her fingers, "mmmmm" she said softly "Tara belly"  
  
Tara laughed as Willow leaned over and kissed her stomach.  
  
"my Tara belly" Willow said in a mock possessive voice.  
  
"yes...your Tara belly Will, always". Tara smiled as Willow kissed her stomach again, running her tongue over her bellybutton.  
  
"mmm... you still taste like cinnamon Tare", Willow said, grinning up at her lover.  
  
"yes...actually...Will...I've been meaning to ask you about that...for someone who has no clue in the kitchen you sure know your spices and chocolate", Tara smirked down at her.  
  
Willow gave a fake sigh, "what can I say baby?" she said grinning "guess I'm just a natural when it comes to fixing beautiful young blondes", she paused and thought about that for a moment, "actually no...just beautiful young blondes that answer to the name of Tara Maclay and happen to be my girlfriend"  
  
Tara smiled and Willow snuggled closer to her.  
  
The girls lay this way for a while, the silence speaking for them, basking in the strong love that seeped from every one of their pores.  
  
Willow ran her hand up and down Tara's body, "you're all sweaty baby" she said.  
  
Tara grinned, "oh... and why is that? Could be because a certain someone has WAY to much energy"  
  
Willow lifted her head and gave her a mock pout, "if you want me to stop I can..."  
  
Tara interrupted quickly, "not that there is anything wrong with excess energy, I for one am an extreme fan of..."  
  
Willow silenced her with a kiss, "my rambles have rubbed off on you"  
  
Tara grinned, "that's ok Will, I am quite happy with anything you rub on me"  
  
Willow laughed and then her face turned serious. "Tare..." she said, as she rested her head against Tara's.  
  
"hmm?"  
  
"I'm ready..."  
  
"what?" Tara asked, "ready? Will...sweetie...it's a little late for that", she said with a grin.  
  
"I want to tell them baby... I want the world to know because...well...you are my everything and you make me who I am... I am not complete without you baby...and I need you...I want to shout it to the world, that I have the most amazing girl in existence and I want them all to know just how much I love you... nothing that feels this good can be wrong Tare...I am so sure of that"  
  
Tara turned to face Willow, tears streaming down her cheeks.  
  
"oh... don't cry baby! I'm sorry... shh"  
  
Tara smiled softly, "Will... you make me so happy... you make me feel so special...to you it doesn't matter what I've done...or where I'm from...or how many friends I have...I was so blessed by coming here...and I am so grateful to whoever runs things up there...because I have you Will...I don't know if it was a fluke or some divine fate...but I have you", the tears continued to stream down her face, "you make me feel so loved"  
  
Willow moved so that her face was on top of Tara's, "oh baby" she said kissing her tears, "you are loved...I love you so much...I could never tell you just how much...you...could never even understand how much"  
  
Tara smiled, "if it is even close to half as much as I love you then I'm set for life, and far beyond"  
  
Willow smiled and kissed Tara softly.  
  
All of the sudden the room filled with beeping. Willow groaned and looked at Tara.  
  
"do you have to go baby?" she asked sadly.  
  
Tara nodded, sitting up, "I'm sorry sweetie, daddy really needs my help with something for his work and he doesn't usually ask me for anything, I have to go meet him now"  
  
Willow nodded, resigned, "yeah...spending time with your dad is a good thing... you should probably get dressed first..., I don't wanna share my Tarebare. or" she stopped and looked at Tara "in this case my bareTare"  
  
Tara laughed, surveying the room, "good point Will but...where are my clothes?"  
  
Willow's floor was littered with various articles of clothing and containers.  
  
"umm... maybe under the bed, I was not really careful with where I threw them"  
  
Tara grinned, walking to the bed, getting on her knees, and looking underneath it. "here they are..." she said, beginning to pull them on.  
  
Willow's face fell as, slowly, more and more parts of Tara skin were covered.  
  
"don't worry sweetie" Tara said, walking over to Willow and handing her, her clothes. "there will be plenty more time to become newly acquainted with Tara belly... but...you should put these on"  
  
Willow nodded, still sad that Tara was leaving.  
  
Once both girls were fully dressed, Willow stood by her room door, waiting for Tara to leave.  
  
Tara walked over and kissed her once, hard. When she pulled away Willow reached out for her, wanting more.  
  
"nuh uh Will...I'll see you in a few hours and we'll see about it then", she said, a smile on her face.  
  
Willow nodded, "and then we can go tell Buffy and Xander about us, right?"  
  
Tara gave a huge smile, "right"  
  
***  
  
An hour later, once Willow had cleaned up her room, she went down to the kitchen to get some breakfast.  
  
"Morning Mom!" Willow said chirpily, not caring, like she usually did, that her mom had hardly looked up when she entered.  
  
"well, you are in a good mood Willow", Sheila Rosenberg said, looking at her glowing daughter.  
  
"yeah...I guess I am", Willow began humming to herself.  
  
Sheila Rosenberg just shook her head and continued to read her newspaper.  
  
Willow went through the process of making toast, completely oblivious to her surroundings, all her thoughts on a certain blond.  
  
Sheila Rosenberg snorted, "that is disgusting!"  
  
Willow looked up at her mom,"what is Mom?" she asked, before taking a bite of her toast.  
  
"Homosexuality in teens has been progressively rising, yearly the number of teens 'coming out' has risen quite substantially" Sheila Rosenberg read out.  
  
Willow stopped mid-chew and went pale.  
  
Sheila continued, not even noticing the state Willow was in, "you'd think the parents of those...those problems,... would have picked up on it! I mean, what sort of mother can't tell what her daughter is thinking and feeling!"  
  
Willow just stared at her mother, unable to speak.  
  
"Homosexuality...what a concept! It is absolutely disgusting!!  
  
Willow looked at her mom , and said quietly "no..."  
  
Sheila looked at her daughter, "what did you say?"  
  
"no" she repeated again, her mouth suddenly going dry, "...I mean... what about all of those times that you said that love is love.. and all those conferences, talks at the school...you were even honored at the PFLAG awards banquet, didn't you mean it? Love is love ...it's natural...", she said, a little bit louder.  
  
Sheila gave her a strange look. "no Willow. It is not natural. It will never be natural. Just as it will never be accepted"  
  
Willow was finding it hard to breathe, "but... it's love... how can that possibly be unnatural?"  
  
Sheila Rosenberg shook her head, "Oh Willow..." she said, sighing exasperatedly "you have a lot to learn", she gave her one more glance and then turned back to her newspaper, Willow's presence, once again ignored.  
  
Willow was frozen. She couldn't move. She couldn't think. Finally she got control of her legs and ran past her mother, out of the kitchen and up the stairs.  
  
'they'll hate me...they'll think I'm gross....they won't want to know me...I'll lose them all...they'll hate me'  
  
Upon reaching her room, she ran inside and slammed the door shut, unable to move anymore, she sunk to the floor, sobbing into her hands. She was so confused.  
  
***  
  
Tara walked up the path to the Rosenberg's house and smiled to herself. Her morning had been reasonably enjoyable and now she would get to see Willow, making this a perfect day in her book.  
  
She knocked on the door and was greeted by a smiling Mrs. Rosenberg. "Tara, please, come in."  
  
Tara entered the house, "thanks" she said with a smile.  
  
"Willow is upstairs in her room, you can go on up"  
  
Tara smiled once more then made her way to the stairs, she couldn't believe it, they were finally going to tell everyone! She understood how Willow had felt, because, honestly, she was also scared. Letting people know about this... in a way...it was like sharing this deep part of her that had always been hers alone. 'What if people disapprove? What would daddy say?' But Tara knew that no matter how scary it was for her, it was far worse for Willow. Willow had lived here her entire life, 'she has friends and a proper family.' Telling them was a big step and Tara was so proud and amazingly happy when Willow spoke those words. 'I'm ready'  
  
Tara paused outside of Willow's door and smiled, "I'm ready..." she said quietly to herself, "we're ready".  
  
She slowly turned the doorknob, a smile on her face. "Will! I'm he... oh god!" she said quickly, her smile completely gone as she ran over to Willow's side. "oh sweetie...what is it? What happened?"  
  
Tara pulled her into her into her arms and Willow sobbed into her chest.  
  
'they'll hate me...they'll think I'm gross...they'll hate me...'  
  
"Willow...darling...please talk to me. Please... what's wrong?", Tara held her close, Willow was shaking in her arms.  
  
'they'll hate me....they'll think I'm gross...they'll hate me...'  
  
"Will? Sweetie? Darling?" Tara pulled away from her and brought her hand up to her cheek, wiping away the tears that wouldn't stop coming, "you told me once that you were here for me... and I told you that I was here for you... and I am... I'm here to listen and help and comfort...I'm here to joke when it's needed and cry when it's needed, and to hug and to kiss... Talk to me Will..I love you more than life itself and I need you to talk to me...I want to be here for you"  
  
Willow finally looked Tara in the eyes, "they'll hate me...", she whispered  
  
Tara looked confused, "oh...baby...who? Why?"  
  
"all of them" Willow said, her voice cracking, "I thought it was all ok...that people were accepting...would learn to accept it", Willow looked at her hands, "learn to accept us... but before...my mom...I found out that everything I've seen is all a cover... everything I've known...everything I've learned" Willow looked Tara in the eyes, "people aren't accepting at all... they fill our heads with lies...and it scares me Tare...I" her voice cracked again as the tears began flowing more, " what if they hate me? Think I'm gross and disgusting? And never want to know me again?"  
  
Tara looked shocked, "oh...Willow" she said, pulling her to her, letting her cry against her, "my poor Willow", she stood her up and brought her over to the bed, then had her lay down. "just rest sweetie" she said, running her hands through her hair. Tara felt like crying, seeing the pain Willow was in, not knowing exactly what had happened, but feeling the impact of it at the same time. "just rest"  
  
Willow lay on the bed, curled up in a ball, "stay with me Tara" she said softly, "don't leave me"  
  
Tara lay down on the bed next to her, "never darling, I'm here"  
  
Willow sighed and said in barely above a whisper, "what are we gonna do Tare? What are we gonna do?" 


	14. Only Time Will Tell

I've had these chapters written for awhile. I apologize for not posting them! Thank you all for your reviews!!!

Part 13

Willow felt the sand beneath her feet. It was hot, almost to the point of burning. She was wandering, searching for something. Searching for something that she knew she wanted so badly. She paused, looking around her. All she could see were miles and miles of burning hot sand, and she knew that if she stayed there, stayed in that spot, she would be safe, but if she went on and continued her search... She could lose everything.

She took a deep breath and began to walk across the desert, feelings of confusion, worry, and regret running through her mind. She came to an oasis, knowing that they were supposed to be there. They were supposed to have been there. But she was all alone, standing at the edge of a huge lake. She looked down into the pool, and she knew that it was bottomless.

"She's right there."

Willow glanced up from the water and saw Buffy coming towards her.

"Buffy..." she cried desperately, "I didn't know, I mean, I didn't mean to do it, please help me Buffy."

Buffy's face was set in a grimace and she snorted, "you lost your chance long ago Willow Rosenberg," and then she took a tiny step forward.

Willow could feel herself falling before she hit the water. It was icy even though it was surrounded by so much sun. She knew that this was it. That she was lost. Had lost her chance. This was it.

**12345678**

Tara sat on the end of her girlfriend's bed watching her toss fitfully in her sleep. "Oh sweetie..." she said quietly to herself "sweetie."

She felt herself frowning; her pain and sorrow had slowly turned into anger and disgust. She had no idea exactly what Sheila had said or done to upset Willow this way, but she did know that whatever it was must have been absolutely horrible, and had a huge affect on her.

What sort of mother doesn't notice when their daughter is hurting? What sort of mother lets their daughter suffer alone, and they themselves remain happy and smiling? And how could someone as wonderful and amazing as Willow have such a heartless person for a mother?

The rain was coming down outside and Tara knew that it was getting late, but she couldn't bring herself to wake the redhead.

She ran her hands gently through Willow's hair, studying the pained expression on her face.

Tara stood up quickly when she saw her wince in her sleep. She couldn't bear to see her in this much pain. 'I have to make it better. I have to stop this'. Tara walked over to the door and reached out for the knob. 'I have to stop this'.

"Wha...Tara?" Willow asked, opening her eyes. "Tara!?" she called out louder when she couldn't find her.

"I'm here sweetie!" Tara ran back across the room and sat down next to her. "I'm here."

"I thought you'd gone." Willow said mournfully.

"No, I'm here sweetie, I'll never leave you." Tara said.

They sat in silence, Tara catching glimpses of despair and pain in Willow's eyes.

Finally, she spoke, "Will?"

Willow looked up slowly.

"Are you...do you wanna tell me what happened?" Tara asked, crawling closer to her on the bed.

Willow looked across at Tara and opened her arms, welcoming the embrace. "Why does life get so hard Tare?" she asked, letting the question hang in the air.

Tara held her, desperately wanting to have the answers, but knowing, at the same time, that she had none to give. "I...I don't know Will..." she said softly "I wish I did...but I don't."

Willow nodded, resting her head against the blonde's shoulder. "Everything was so wonderful Tare... we were gonna tell them and we would have been free... we would have been able to be together anywhere...school, home, the mall, you name it."

Tara listened to Willow, her heart aching more with every word, 'we were gonna...we would have, but not now?'

Willow took a deep breath and continued, head bowed "I don't know Tare... maybe I was just being too optimistic... there is nothing I want more than to be with you" she looked up at Tara, "But... not having Xander and Buffy...and having people glare at us and hate us just because we love each other...I hadn't counted on that Tare... and I know what I want to do, I know that I want you...but.. Tare..." she said, her voice cracking, "I'm so confused now...I'm just so confused."

Tara held Willow tightly, letting her cry. 'I was so selfish to want her to do this...god! Why was I so selfish!? I won't let her ruin her life like this. I'm not worth it...', she could feel the redhead shaking in her arms, 'that's it Miss Maclay, you need to get up and walk away before you cause any more damage to this girls life'.

When Willow's tears slowed, Tara leaned over and kissed her head. She took a deep breath and spoke, "It's late sweetie and I should go...my dad...he's probably worried sick," she said, giving her a small smile, 'she doesn't need me around right now, I'm only making it harder for her to decide to leave me,' "so I really should go cause I didn't tell him where I was going and he's probably at home, dinner waiting and everything, wondering where on earth I am." She rushed her words, standing up slowly and edging her way towards the door.

Willow looked up at Tara and nodded, "I'll see you tomorrow then?" she asked, barely above a whisper.

"Of course you will." Tara said, a grin plastered on her face, 'this is cause I love her... she doesn't need me around...I just mess things up...but god do I love her.' She walked over to the door, "Never forget that I love you Will... you know that... right?"

Willow nodded, "bye Tare... tomorrow...I'll see you tomorrow."

Tara nodded and smiled, walking out of the room and down the stairs, increasing her pace as she went.

'This is for Willow, I can't let her make this sacrifice for me...I am not, have never been, and will never be worthy of such a sacrifice... no... I have to pretend I am happy and don't care...I have to be strong...for Willow..strong.'

"I can do this." She said softly but forcefully, as she reached the front door. She could hear the rain coming down outside. She knew she was going to get wet but she just didn't care. "I can do this," she whispered, as she walked down the path away from Willow's house.

It was pouring and Tara was soaked before she reached the sidewalk. "I can do this." she said, walking down the street in the direction of her home. "No!" she said, finally breaking down and sobbing, leaning against a tree, "I really can't do this." Her tears mixed with the rain as she cried, making it almost impossible to tell one from the other, "God, I can't do this."

**12345678**

Willow sat on her bed, numbed, the past few minutes playing over and over in her head. 'I just let the only person I could ever love, walk away... I just let her walk away... I can't let her...I need... I didn't say I loved her.' Willow thought, standing up and pacing the room, "I didn't say I loved her... I need to tell her...now."

Willow ran down the stairs in a desperate attempt to make up some of the time she had wasted. She ran past the door to the living room and saw her parents in there. Her dad, Ira, reading the newspaper and Sheila appeared to be working on a fundraiser for one of her noble causes. They didn't even notice as the red-eyed Willow zoomed past the door.

'I'm gonna find her and I'm gonna tell her I love her.. cause I love her more than anything and being with her matters more to me then.. it matters more to me then.. anything.. my parents and Buffy and Xander included.. being with her makes my world right and I don't care what they think now. If they don't love me for who I am then how can they love me at all!?'

Willow stopped in front of the door, a small look of determination on her face, "I love you too baby.. and I'll prove it."

Willow walked to the entrance to the living room. Her parents continued with their individual activities. She coughed to get their attention. Her dad glanced up briefly then looked back at his paper. Her mom, completely oblivious to everything, didn't even blink at the sound.

The redhead's heart was beating so hard in her chest, she thought it might break it. She sighed shuffling her feet, then turned and walked, slowly, out of the living room.

"Mom... Dad..." she said, stopping completely in her tracks and turning around to face them. She took a deep breath and continued. "There is something I want to tell you."


	15. Truths

Part 14  
  
The silence in the Rosenberg's household was deafening as the three inhabitants glanced from one person to the next; two sets of eyes, holding half inquisitive looks, the other, eyes wide with a nervous and apprehensive look.  
  
"Well?" Sheila Rosenberg asked with an impatient voice, finally breaking the silence. "What do you want to tell us?"  
  
Willow cringed, wringing her fingers, she bit her lip, and began pacing the room. 'This is for Tara, Willow, you can do this, You can DO this. You love Tara. You want Tara. You need Tara. She is a part of you. You are a part of her.' "Well..." Willow started, her voice cracking a little as she tried to avoid eye contact with both of her parents. "It's like this....um..." Her words, sentences, and thoughts, flashing through her head, 'God, how do I say this?'. " love" She said, almost spontaneously. "it's an awful lot like a sandwich"  
  
Sheila and Ira looked up at their daughter. "A sandwich?" Ira asked, disbelief in his voice,  
  
"How on earth is love like a sandwich!?" Sheila exclaimed, her face twisting into a grimace at the analogy.  
  
"Oh, I'm getting to that" Willow rushed, beginning to feel even more nervous about the entire conversation.  
  
Ira made a gesture with his hand, signaling for her to continue and Sheila rolled her eyes. "Please enlighten us Willow, how is love like a sandwich?"  
  
Willow took a deep breath and continued, "Well, what makes a sandwich a sandwich? You need two pieces of bread to make it. Well, that or those little cruskety cracker thingies but I personally don't like them cause when you put little bits of tomato and pickle on them they go all soggy and if you even try to...."  
  
Willow stopped mid-sentence and looked sheepish, "oh...uh...right...anyway...what I was saying was that a sandwich is this thing, eaten worldwide by people of all sorts. The people in this world are the bread, two pieces of bread placed together and clicking, then comes the filling..."  
  
Both of Willow's parents were looking quite apprehensive at this point, wondering where there daughter was heading with this ramble.  
  
"When making a sandwich there are no rules defining what must go into it, whatever is in it, be it salami and watermelon, or something stranger like tuna salad, it IS a sandwich and just as wonderful a creation as any other."  
  
Willow looked at her parents and breathed deeply.  
  
"What I am trying to say is that, well, Mom, you and Dad? You are a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, creamy peanut butter and strawberry jam. But me? Well. Tara and I? We are like this crunchy peanut butter and banana sandwich. It might sound gross, but there is no better taste in this entire world"  
  
Willow hung her head, waiting for disgusted sounds from her parents. When nothing came, she looked up slowly, her parents were staring at her, the looks almost resembling that of concern.  
  
"Willow," Ira said, sitting up straight, "there is this person, we have a number, that your mom and I think would be a wise idea for you to call." He held out a business card to his daughter.  
  
Willow looked confused but took the card. She looked at it and read the words 'Daniel Harvy: Psychologist extraordinaire'. "umm.dad? Why am I calling this guy? She asked, with an extreme look of confusion.  
  
"Willow!" Sheila cried exasperatedly, "You think you and your friend are a sandwich!" That is not normal behavior for a girl your age!  
  
Willow looked shocked.  
  
"For god sakes!" She cried, whipping around to face her mom, "what's with you and normal anyway!? Why does everything have to be normal!? Where is the fun in that? Variety is the spice of life you know!"  
  
She took a deep breath and looked from one parent to another.  
  
"I do not have any problems, as a matter of fact, I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life. I am in love with the most amazing person to ever walk this planet. I have been so lucky to have that love returned. I am in love." she said softly. "I love Tara."  
  
Willow placed the card in her father's hand and walked to the door of the living room, " if you'll excuse me" she said, "I am going to go find the one person that makes my life worth living, much more than just existing. The one who taught me how it feels to be alive."  
  
Willow turned, and without another sound, opened the front door and walked out, leaving her parents to recover from the shock of her words.  
  
***  
  
The rain was pelting down . The street was beginning to fill with little puddles, promising much fun for children the next day. The sky was dark and stormy. Despite the weather, the night was quiet, almost disturbingly so. The redhead shivered, playing with that thought as she made her way down the streets at a steady pace. She could feel the burden as the weight of the water soaked her clothes but she didn't care. 'I have to find Tara' she thought, "God baby, please be safe.".  
  
***  
  
All the lights were out in the Mcclay household. From the outside it looked like a perfectly normal home. Everyone snuggled safe in bed, sleeping soundly, comforted by the knowledge that they are loved, protected by the overwhelming feeling of safety. However, with every strike of lightening, the image of a crouching girl, huddled at the furthest point of the patio, shattered it. It was clearly visible, to even the most naïve of passerby's, that Tara Mcclay was heartbroken. She sat, tears rolling down her face, making no noise at all, as the rain drenched the earth around her. 'I can't believe that I let her go. I had a taste of heaven.' She thought bitterly 'That is all I deserve' she thought, rocking back and forth slowly on the balls of her feet.  
  
A loud strike of thunder drew her from her thoughts and she glanced at her surroundings. Her previously neatly set out skirt was now a sopping mop of water. Suddenly, Tara was angry. "Why!?" she called out her question into the night as if she half expected a response. " Why does this always happen!?". She rose from her spot on the porch and made her way down the steps. Pacing the yard she practically screamed, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry, ok!," the tears were streaming down her face. These were different tears than before, tears of anger and despair. She came to a stop in front of a tree in her yard, " I was bad. I was bad. I was bad and I know it!" she fumed, "haven't I been punished enough!?" she yelled at the tree, "haven't we both been punished enough!?" She began hitting the tree with her fist, the pain from the bark digging into her soft flesh was completely overthrown by that of her heart. She continued to punch the tree, yelling her apologies, needing forgiveness that the moss-covered tree could never provide.  
  
And then gentle arms surrounded her waist. At first this had no affect, but the soothing voice and the caressing touch slowly worked their magic. Willow's hands slipped slowly along the length of Tara's arms until their hands met. Her flesh creating a barrier between the tender skin and the rippled bark, and suddenly it was just them, a sobbing blonde in the arms of a shaking redhead.  
  
"I'm sorry Willow" she said through her tears, "I am so sorry"  
  
The redhead held her lover tight. "Baby, don't you ever be sorry for being brave enough to love. I am the one who is sorry. I failed to see what you saw right away. That you are my life. Without you, I don't have any reason to live. You make me complete, Tare"  
  
The blonde lifted her head off of Willow's shoulder and looked at her closely. All of the sudden her eyes seemed filled with a peaceful calm. "Sweetie" she said, bringing her hand up to cup her love's cheek. "I will never be sorry for loving you. Nor will I accept any apology from you. Darling, we are one in more ways than I ever thought possible. I feel as you feel, think as you think, and I love as you love. Sharing a brain with you is the best thing that I have ever done. You failed in nothing." She leaned in and kissed her lover softly, "Willow" she said, barely above a whisper, "I love you so much"  
  
Willow's eyes shined with tears as Tara kissed her again. Both girls had become completely oblivious to the rain pouring down around them.  
  
"In the end" Tara said, as she pulled away, resting her head against her lovers, "years from now. When it is just you and I. Sharing our lives. Living together. Being together. It will not be 'I' did this, and 'you' did that. It will be 'us', my love. 'we'. You make me a stronger person, just as I make you a stronger person. We are one. Always and beyond forever. I would wait for you."  
  
Willow brought a finger up to Tara's lips to silence her. The blonde kissed it gently, awaiting her girlfriend's words.  
  
"I told them, Tare"  
  
Tara's eyes widened. "Oh Willow." She was filled with such emotion that words were nearly impossible. Joy, surprise, concern, wonder, and admiration, and most of all, there was pride. Her girlfriend. Her love. Her Willow. She had conquered the one thing that frightened her most. "Will, god Will, I love you so much." Her heart was pounding in her chest. The intense need to touch, to be held by and to hold her, was overpowering.  
  
The two girls clung to each other as the moon shone overhead. The clouds parted and the rain stopped, but they did not move from that place. Knowing how close they had come to losing each other, knowing how fragile relationships can be. The constant work involved and how there is nothing more worthwhile to invest in. They were determined.  
  
" I will always believe in us, Will. We can do anything. Get through anything. Survive anything. I love you and you love me, right?"  
  
"Always and beyond forever, Tare, always and beyond forever."  
  
***  
  
It was after eleven when the two girls awoke the next morning.  
  
"Tare." Willow whispered, looking down at her half sleeping girlfriend. Her heart swelled with love. "Have I told you lately that I love you?" .  
  
"Maybe once or twice." Tara said grinning as she sat up and kissed her love softly on the lips. "But I always love hearing it."  
  
Willow smiled.  
  
"We should go Tare. There is stuff that we are supposed to do." She said reluctantly, eyeing their now dry clothing, strewn over the back of a chair.  
  
"We are supposed to do what?" Tara asked in a surprised tone, flashing her girlfriend a questioning look.  
  
"Remember our shopping date?" Willow asked, upon seeing the blank look on her girlfriends face, continued, "we planned to go shopping with Buffy and tell her then. I never had a chance to cancel."  
  
A look of recognition flashed in the blondes eyes. "Oh yes, I remember now. Ok" she said, helping her lover to her feet. "Let's get dressed and meet Buffy."  
  
***  
  
The moment the doorbell rang in the Summer's household, feet went running across the floorboards. "Bye mom!" Buffy yelled, pulling open the door to find herself face to face with her friends. "Where were you two!?" she exclaimed, "I must have tried your house fifty times Will!"  
  
"Around." Tara said almost shyly.  
  
Willow nodded, gulping, wondering how her parents were taking the news.  
  
Tara looked sideways at her girlfriend, trying to gauge her emotions. She reached over and gave her hand a squeeze of reassurance.  
  
Willow smiled and the three of them set off for the mall.  
  
***  
  
The day was going well, except for Willow not being able to get a word into conversations. Buffy's ramble was in rare form, she babbled as the three girls trekked all over the mall.  
  
"ohhhh!" Buffy exclaimed, seeing a sign for garden tools, fifty percent off. "I need a new shovel!" she cried, dragging Willow and Tara into the store behind her.  
  
Willow was frustrated with herself. Finally realizing that suggesting a shopping outing was not the best idea, she couldn't stop thinking about her parents and being frightened of Buffy's reaction.  
  
"Will! Over here!" Buffy called, breaking her from her thoughts. "Tara! Come see!"  
  
Buffy was holding what appeared to be guidebooks of sorts. "Look at these!" she said, handing a book to each Willow and Tara.  
  
The girls looked down at their books and blanched.  
  
'Maximizing pleasure from your garden.' Tara read out.  
  
'How to find excitement in gardens.' Willow read.  
  
The two girls eyed each other and then looked at Buffy, who seemed entirely oblivious to the double meanings behind the titles.  
  
The slayer looked at both the girls and saw that they had gone pale. "Guys?" She eyed them with a worried expression. "You ok?"  
  
Willow nodded slowly, "Buffy? Would you mind if we went home now?"  
  
***  
  
The entire ride home Willow tried to find a way to start the conversation. The air in the car was thick because everyone knew that words needed to be said and nobody was saying them. As they stopped at Buffy's driveway, Tara squeezed Willow's hand and climbed out, leaving the slayer and her best friend alone together.  
  
Willow looked over at Buffy and bit her lip. "Buff?" She asked softly. "We have been best friends for awhile now, right?"  
  
Buffy nodded her agreement but remained silent.  
  
"There is something I need to tell you Buffy." The redhead said. "And don't worry, I won't mention sandwiches.".  
  
Buffy raised a brow at this comment but continued to listen.  
  
"Buffy, Tara is my girlfriend."  
  
For a moment, there was no sound in the car, then Buffy answered in a small voice, "When did this happen Will?"  
  
The redhead proceeded to tell her the entire story, from her depression and Tara's saving her from herself, to their discovery of the overwhelming love they shared for each other. Through the entire story Buffy remained quiet.  
  
Willow looked at her, worried. "Are you weirded?"  
  
Buffy looked at Willow and looked thoughtful. "Not at all Will." She said, "You love her? In a heart 'craving aching pounding' way?"  
  
"Even more, Buffy, even more"  
  
Buffy smiled. "I'm happy for you Will. I think Tara is a great girl. I am so sorry I wasn't there for you Willow. When you needed me most."  
  
"Oh Buffy, you tried. You and Xander both did."  
  
"Not hard enough Will. I should have tried harder. I love you, you know."  
  
Willow smiled at her best friend and the two hugged.  
  
The slayer looked at the redhead, thankful for everything working out how it had, knowing there were rough times ahead for her friend, but also knowing that now she could be there for her. Help her through them. "You can always talk to me, Will. You know that?"  
  
Willow nodded. "I do"  
  
A silence filled the car for a moment as neither girl was sure what to say. Their heads, full of thoughts and full of hopes.  
  
Finally Buffy got out and reached her hand to her friend. "Coming with me?"  
  
Willow climbed out of the car and headed into the house, behind her best friend.  
  
"We have much truth or dare to play Missy" Buffy said with a smirk as she held the door open for Willow to walk through it.  
  
the redhead laughed and Buffy followed her in, closing the door, the two shared another smile and entered the living room where Tara was waiting. 


	16. note from the author with regards to rev...

For the past two of you who reviewed begging me to post chapter 13. It is up. I am unsure why you haven't been able to see it, as it and chapter 14 are up.  
  
Sorry for the inconvenience! 


	17. Confrontations Part 2

**Chapter 15**

Willow rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand, wiping away the sleep and dreams from the night before. Memories came back to her, Tara, her parents, coming out, the rain, telling Buffy. She sat up, trying not to wake the two blondes who were sprawled out on the floor next to her, each in their own little dream worlds. She grabbed her clothes and headed for the hallway.

The house was very quiet as the redhead made her way to the bathroom. She shut the door carefully as she entered.

"Ugh, I look horrible," she said to herself, looking at her ruffled reflection in the mirror.

She practiced a few smiles and 'strong with the butch' faces. "Well, no use putting it off any longer," she said with a sigh and began to dress and prepare herself for confrontation part two.

"Are you sure about this Will?" her girlfriend asked, brows creased with worry.

"I have to Tare, I can't put it off any longer or I'll risk losing them forever and no matter how much my parents may have done things to hurt me or neglect me in some way, I can't lose them. I just can't!"

Tara nodded, "I understand, sweetie. I'm right here if you need me," she said patting the seat next to her on the bench that was conveniently placed on the corner of Willow's street. "I'll wait here. Are you sure you don't want me to come in with you?"

The redhead eyed the looming house in front of her. "Yeah, I'm sure. I have to do this one alone."

Her heart raced as she fit the key into the lock.

"Mom? Dad? Are you here?" she called out but there was no response.

She made her way up the staircase to her parent's room wondering if they were still asleep.

On the landing she heard a muffled sob coming from her bedroom, "Mom?" she asked quietly, pushing the door open.

It was indeed her mother and she was in state that Willow had never seen before.

Sheila Rosenberg looked up from her place on the floor as her daughter entered. Her face was streaked with tears and her eyes were bloodshot. It looked as if she hadn't slept the last few nights. She was wearing the same clothes that she had been wearing when Willow had last seen her and they were wrinkled.

"Mom," Willow started, biting her lip, she had no idea she could reduce her mother to this. Her mom, the epitome of grace and fashion, who was calm in most any situation, seemed to be mourning.

Sheila stood up, wiped her tears, and looked at Willow. "Willow...where have you been?"

"I was out. I was with Tara."

At the mention of her girlfriend's name a pained look crossed her mother's face. "You know you're not supposed to go out with friends without telling us."

"Mom," Willow said with exasperation, "you can't pretend nothing happened, cause it did and it's not going to change. Tara isn't just my friend. She's my girlfriend and I'm sorry if I hurt you but that's not what I had in mind. I didn't plan to fall in love and I certainly didn't plan for it to be with a girl, but she's made my life so amazing. You wouldn't understand."

"No Willow, you wouldn't understand. Look at you, you're not even out of high school but you think you know what is best for you in the long run. Just because someone is paying you attention for the first time in your life doesn't mean you should jump at it. If you would dress a little better, do yourself up a little more, surely you could find a nice guy. You are a pretty girl Willow, you just don't realize it."

"But I don't want a guy Mom. I want Tara. I'm not doing this because I chose to defy you by being with a girl. Not any girl, Mom, just Tara."

Sheila studied her daughter as if seeing her for the first time. Willow had never spoken to her like this before.

"Willow, I know what teen influence is like and how easy it is to fall into the latest fad. Just because everyone else is doing it doesn't mean you should too! I've seen it, with those PFLAG meetings, all the mothers tell me the same."

"Mom," Willow said feeling her temper rise, "I don't want to argue about this. I don't know how you can have so much to do with gay organizations and still see it the way you do. I didn't ask you if I could date her and I don't need your permission to be gay, but I would like your blessing. It's my life and this is how it is but I don't want to lose you and Dad. My family means a lot to me..." she trailed off feeling the tears come.

"Look, I'm sorry," she continued, "Where's Dad? Is he home?"

Sheila shook her head, "He went out for some milk. He'll be home soon. You can wait."

She turned to walk out of the room, paused and spoke quietly, "I'm sorry too Willow, but I can't give you my blessing," and with that she was gone, leaving a shaken redhead to sob alone in her room.

Tara was getting restless waiting for Willow to return. She shuffled nervously on the bench, so engrossed in her worries that she didn't notice the man making his way up the street toward her.

"Hello Tara," Ira Rosenberg said, his eyes studying her intensely to the point where she flushed with discomfort, "what brings you here?"

Tara's heart was beating wildly due to the butterflies in her stomach, "waiting for Willow," she managed.

He stood there silently.

"Mind if I sit down for a minute?"

"Er, no, please, sit." Tara said with a nervous smile.

"Look, I know we haven't gotten off on the right foot, Tara," Ira started, "I just want you to know that I only want to do what is in Willow's best interest. It's nothing against you. You seem like a very nice girl."

The blonde watched the man, taking in the bags under his tired eyes.

"I understand," she replied and then added, "that's all I want too."

Ira nodded, "Thanks."

"I see you have milk," the blonde continued, wanting to smack herself for making such a stupid statement.

"Yes," he said, "I do and I should go put it in the fridge."

Tara agreed, relieved to see him go.

"I'll tell Willow you're waiting," he said and headed toward his house.

The blonde followed him with her eyes, "Mr. Rosenberg," she called just before he reached the door and he paused.

"I love her and I would do anything in my power to make her happy and keep her safe."

And with a hint of a smile, Ira Rosenberg entered his home.

Willow sat on her bed and looked around the room. This was the place she'd grown up. She used to know it so well, every crevice and every hidey-hole. The corner by the door was her old secret hideout where she used to play for hours with her stuffed ocelot, Peach. The redhead stood and made her way to the closet. On her toes, she reached for an old and tattered box. She lifted the lid and felt around till she found what she was looking for.

"Peach," she said, bringing the moth-eaten toy to her chest and hugging it.

She made her way swiftly back to the bed and lay down. The once familiar bedroom was now foreign. She didn't know it, didn't feel comfortable in it and feared she never would again.

There were tears trailing down her cheeks as she thought about her life up until that point.

"Willow?"

Willow recognized the voice as her fathers, "Can I come in? Mom said you were up here."

The redhead nodded her acquiesce and heard her father enter and sit on the bed behind her. They stayed like that for quite some time.

Finally her father spoke, his voice filled with pain. Not something Willow thought she had ever heard in him and something she prayed she would never hear again. He spoke as if his soul was shattered and his spirit gone.

"What do you want to do with the rest of your life, Willow?"

There was no accusation in the comment and no malice but the disappointment was thick and it made Willow want to cry again.

"I don't know, Dad. I... I want to travel... see the world! I mean, I've spent my entire life in one place, you know?" She turned around to face him.

Ira nodded, "and how do you want to go about it? Traveling takes planning and money and skills. Have you thought about your future? Your life career?"

"No, not really, I mean, I kinda know I'd like to go to college and maybe do something with animals or kids but I don't know what. Why?"

He studied his daughter and was taken aback by how grown up she was.

"Willow, the world is filled with different people, some would go so far as to call them strange or freaks, your mother and I have tried so hard to protect you from them because they only cause you pain. People don't like people who are different from them."

The redhead wondered if that was how he saw her.

"There are places in this world that would hang you for being a lesbian, Willow. It limits the jobs you can have, places you can stay and people you can associate with. Do you really want that to plague you the rest of your life? "

"First of all, Dad, Mom promotes the PFLAG meetings at school so I wouldn't call that keeping me away from gayness, and secondly, if endless taunting and abuse is what I'll have to endure to have Tara, then, yeah, I guess I do want it. Besides if people really hate someone for the fact that they love someone of the same sex or they do something different, then I don't want to know them anyway."

Ira nodded and touched his daughter's cheek. "If that is what you really want then I can't change your mind.

Willow looked at him with surprise.

"You know we love you, don't you, Willow? No matter what happens or how rarely we may tell you. We'll always love you."

Then Ira hugged his daughter, for the first time in a long time. The two of them held on to each other.

"Your Mom will come around, Willow. Somehow. We'll both get used to this. Maybe it was a wake up call to point out how badly we function as a family."

The redhead nodded, "I love you guys. I love you Dad."

"There's a certain someone waiting outside for you" Ira reminded his daughter.

"Ohh, yes, it's been over an hour, I have to get back to Tara!" and with that she blew a kiss to her father and ran out of the room.

Ira continued to sit on her bed. He listened as the sound of the front door slamming resonated throughout the house. Then he picked up Peach and began to cry.


End file.
